


Teach Me to Be Like You

by len1985



Category: Berena - Fandom, Holby City
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-19
Updated: 2017-11-09
Packaged: 2018-12-04 05:57:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 21,918
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11548914
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/len1985/pseuds/len1985
Summary: Serena has developed a crush on a female colleague. She has no idea how to go about wooing or dating a woman, so she asks the only person she knows who can help her: Bernie Wolfe. Bernie is unsure at first but never likes to let down a friend in need...





	1. Chapter 1

“So...” Serena sets their coffee cups down and Bernie smiles up at her in thanks before taking a sip of hers. “...you're a lesbian, right?”

Bernie spits her coffee straight back out in shock. Grabbing for a couple of paper napkins, she rubs off the coffee dripping unattractively down her chin. It wasn't exactly a secret, but did she want that little factoid publicly announced over two double shot lattes and pastries? No she did not. She looks around frantically, wondering how many of the patrons had heard Serena's declaration.

“Ooh, sorry. Didn't realise we were keeping that under our hats.” Serena sips innocently at her own coffee. “Don't go on many dates with woman, eh? Maybe you can't help me after all.” She quirks an eyebrow at her hapless friend.

“I do alright. I'm not going to date just anyone. I'm selective.” Bernie claims, looking hurt and defensive. “Hang on, help you? With what?”

“Yes. Well.” Serena seems reticent about saying more. “I think I might have a teensy bit of a crush on a female colleague. I was wondering how one goes about...” Serena waves her hand, trying to mime out the rest of her meaning. Bernie stares at her blankly. “You know how to ask out a woman. Can you teach me?” Serena looks shyly hopeful.

“Teach you?” Bernie echoes confused. “What like, teach you how to be a lesbian?” Bernie looks over at her friend as if she was a complete stranger. “Aren't you straight?”

“Apparently not as straight as previously thought. I mean, maybe it's just a silly infatuation but I want to get to know her better. There's just something about her. She's interested in women and I want her to be interested in me particular.” Serena explains.

“What do you need me for? You're a pro flirt, could charm the birds from the trees...” Bernie flushes and fixes her gaze on her cup.

“Isn't it different from being with a man? I want to be sure to get her attention. You can show me how.” Serena looks so unsure of herself, Bernie had never seen her like this. She must really like whoever this woman was and was clearly tying herself in knots over it.

“I guess it is different, but going out with anyone is different. Man or woman, everybody's different. I'm not sure what I can do to help you.” Bernie glances up through her fringe before demolishing her pain au chocolat almost whole.

“I was thinking a two pronged attack. Firstly, you can help me with my technique and then you can make friends with her and feed me the info. Give me the edge on what she likes, what she doesn't like. Anything you can find out.” Serena smiles as she takes a slightly daintier bite of her pastry.

“I'm not sure there's a technique really. If there is, I don't know it... Wouldn't it be better to just be yourself?” Bernie rubs her hands together anxiously, she had to get out of this somehow.

“Please.” That is all Serena has to say to make Bernie agree.

“So who is she? My new best friend...” Bernie looks over at the brunette.

“You know Alicia? The new head of HR?” Serena smiles at the blonde.

“Yep.” Bernie hadn't had the pleasure yet but she'd heard about her. “And you're sure she's single?”

“That's where you come in. I'm pretty sure, but not 100%. You make friends with her and give me the inside scoop.”

“You know I'm not the best at making friends, Serena. It's not like she'll just want to be best buddies because we're both gay.” Bernie never did like social situations.

“You made friends with me just fine.” Serena brushes off her friend's discomfort. This plan was going to work. Once she had her mind set on something, she made it happen.

“I think you'll find that you made friends with me. I remember having little say in the matter. Besides, look where it's gotten me!” Bernie teases.

“Hey! I'm a fabulous best friend. Anyone would be lucky to have me.” Serena bristles slightly, but they both know she's messing about.

“When do I start then?” Bernie asks, the sooner she started, the sooner it might be over.

“Ah well, here she is now.” Serena nods over at the counter to where this Alicia woman was queuing up to order something.

“No time like the present I suppose.” Bernie stands, trying to appear braver than she feels.

“Thank you.” Serena smiles and keeps her eyes glued to the blonde as she makes her way over to the other woman.

“Hello.” Bernie doesn't really know what else to say as she joins the queue behind Alicia.

“Hello.” She smiles at the blonde and seems not at all put out by some random woman striking up conversation in the coffee line.

“I don't think we've been introduced. I'm Bernie. Bernie Wolfe. Trauma surgeon on AAU.” She extends her hand towards Alicia.

“I know who you are...” Alicia looks Bernie over appraisingly before adding. “...well, I am in charge of HR, so it's my job to know everyone. I recognise you from the staff photos on the system. Although I must say it didn't do you justice. Alicia King, head of Human Resources.” She shakes Bernie's hand warmly and takes longer then necessary to let it go again.

“Uh huh.” Bernie finds herself at a lost for words again.

“So you're friends with Serena.” Alicia tilts her head towards the other consultant from their ward and Serena tries furiously to make it look as though she hasn't been staring as Alicia waves at her. She returns the wave with a deep blush to her cheeks.

“You've met Serena already then?” Bernie smirks over at her friend's sudden shyness and Serena just glares at her.

“Oh yes. She's lovely.” Alicia smiles over to the brunette again, before taking her turn to order. “Very friendly. You know each other well?”

“Hm. Friends since I started here in February. She's great.” Bernie beams at her friend.

“Oh. You and she are...” Alicia points between the pair, raising an eyebrow.

“No! No. Nothing like that.” Bernie waves away the notion. “Just friends.”

“Aha.” Alicia smiles and takes her coffee, handing her money over in exchange, eyes on Bernie as she watches Serena. “You want a coffee? Join me if you like. Or maybe you wanted to sit with Serena?”

“Oh no. She has surgery now I think. I'll just grab something and sit with you in a sec.” Bernie glances over at Serena and gives her a surreptitious thumbs up. She orders an apple juice and then heads over to sit with Alicia.

Serena fires off a quick ‘You're an angel! X’ text to the blonde and wanders back to the ward to get ready for theatre.

Bernie sits with Alicia for a while and gleans as much intel as can be considered appropriately inquisitive, without coming off as plain nosey, and they exchange numbers and a promise to meet up again some time. She thinks that should satisfy Serena just fine and waves to Alicia as she heads back to AAU.

They don't see each other again until shift change, because of both being stuck in theatre.

“Well?” Serena asks before she’s even through the office door.

“Do you want the good news or the bad news?” Bernie looks up from shutting down her computer.

“Good news first?” Serena doesn't sound convinced.

“She's single and we're going to meet up again so I can find out more for you.” Bernie studies her friend's face to gauge her reaction and is relieved when Serena smiles.

“And the bad news?” Serena mentally braces herself.

“She's a gym bunny and a runner.” Serena looks at Bernie like she might as well have said ‘she's a serial killer.’ “In the interest of shared common ground, you need to start coming on my morning runs with me.”

“Right.” Serena says with an unsteady voice and a look of horror on her face.


	2. Chapter 2

The first morning that Bernie calls for Serena, she is clad in a lyric running suit, bouncing on the balls of her feet, with two coffees in her hands and smiling at the brunette. She is irritatingly chipper and raring to go and it's barely 6am. Serena would love to hurt her, but she never has the energy to do anything this early in the morning.

“Please tell me one of those is for me?” Serena snatches a cup from Bernie and drinks the heavenly, caffeine infused nectar with a contented sigh. “I just have one question.”

“Shoot.” Bernie smiles while she finishes her cup and starts to jog slowly on the spot.

“Don't tempt me.” Serena mumbles under her breath. “I don't have to give up Shiraz, right?” She lifts a threatening eyebrow at her friend in warning.

“I'm trying to help you. Not get myself killed!” Bernie giggles at even the suggestion that her friend could give up her favourite drink. “Right, let's stretch out a bit before we head off.” Bernie starts bending to touch her toes and Serena eyes her suspiciously, arms folded and hoping Bernie didn't expect her to copy her. “If you don't do it, you could hurt yourself. Especially if you don't do much running normally.”

“Fine.” Serena huffs and flings her arms out to start doing the stupid stretches.

“Alicia said she usually does circuits of the park. So I was thinking we could work up to that, get your stamina built up and then we'll just bump into her once you've found your feet.” Bernie continues to do all manner of strange contortionism without even breaking a sweat, while Serena almost falls over lifting her foot in her hand to stretch her leg up behind her. “Easy.” Bernie teases as she holds her by the waist to stop her over balancing.

“Let's just get this over with.” Serena smiles tightly and tries to ignore the warmth of Bernie's hands still on her middle.

“Sure thing. How about we just stick to doing laps of your street, down onto the next street and back here? We'll see how many we can manage.” Bernie slips her hands away and starts to jog in the direction she suggested. She turns and stops when Serena doesn't immediately follow her. “You ok?”

“Stellar.” Serena bites out sarcastically and heaves a sigh as she runs up to where her friend is waiting.

They get into a rhythm after a few yards and Serena seems to keep up well enough, her whole body protests loudly at the effort but she powers through. She just hopes Alicia would appreciate it if she ended up giving herself an exercise induced cardiac episode.

“You're doing brilliantly.” Bernie smiles over to encourage her.

“Why do I get the feeling I'm holding you back? This is probably a leisurely stroll for you.” She returns her friend's smile.

“No, this is fine. I'm glad to have a running partner for a change. Normally it's just me and my trusty iPod.”

Serena feels herself fading rather embarrassingly after only two laps. Bernie doesn't notice her lag at first as she drifts a good few strides ahead and Serena is left to watch the blonde's gravity defying rear end in her skin tight getup. Oh my. “I didn't realise I'd be spending most of my time running having to check out your backside.” Serena quips, trying to make light of the strange, unexpected feelings stirring in her as she traces the blonde's curves with her eyes. She is so distracted that she misjudges the distance to the curb, tripping on it and hurtling head first into no. 4's hedge. “Bernie!”

Bernie had started to spin to face her friend when she heard the ‘backside’ comment, the joking tone in Serena's voice making her chuckle and not realise the truth behind it. She hears the brunette scream her name but can't see her anywhere. “Serena?” She stops and glances around for her friend.

“Over here!” Serena shouts for her but can't get herself untangled from the bush. “Help.”

Bernie walks towards the voice and stifles a laugh, pursing her lips at the half hedge, half Serena shaped foliage.

“Don't just stand there gawping. Help me up!” Serena holds out her hand to the blonde. “Don't even think about laughing at me.” Serena sees the suppressed giggle on her friend's face and could die of humiliation.

“Up you come.” Bernie pulls on the outstretched hand but Serena somehow manages to tug her on top of her instead. They both collapse into fits of laughter right there in the middle of no. 4's hedge, sides aching in glee.

“What am I doing, Bernie?” Serena turns serious as she wipes away tears of mirth and looks up at her friend. “I'm making a proper boob of myself and she probably won't even like me.”

“Hey, no. You were doing so well. A few more days and we'll be ready for the park. And if she doesn't like you, running or not, then she's an idiot.” Bernie smiles affectionately down at Serena and attempts to remove the leaves and twigs from her friend's hair.

“Tell me honestly...” Serena fixes her friend with a faux serious look but can't quite stop her lips from curling into the beginnings of a smile. “...is the leopard print headband too much?”

Bernie cracks first and starts to laugh again and Serena quickly joins in. “Perhaps a tad, but you wouldn't be the irrepressible Serena Campbell without a touch of leopard print. I think you look adorable.” Bernie unthinkingly strokes at the brunette’s cheek with the back of her fingers. She pulls away when she feels Serena’s skin start to heat up under her touch as the brunette blushes. “Come on. We should head back and get you in the shower. I mean, you should get in the shower. Not that you smell or anything...” Bernie rolls her eyes at her own ramblings and pushes herself out of the hedge and manages to get Serena back on her feet too. “Are you hurt?” She touches a small scratch on the brunette’s forehead that she hadn't noticed.

“It's nothing to worry about.” Serena covers Bernie's hand with her own and takes it away from her head. “Let's go.” She starts to walk back to her house with her hand still laced with Bernie's.

They don't seem to notice that they're holding hands all the way until they get to Serena's door. Realisation dawns on them simultaneously, as both sets of eyes take in their joined hands on Serena's doorstep.

“Sorry.” Bernie pulls back first and starts to back away to the street, eyes slightly wide and searching Serena’s to see if she had upset her in any way. What the hell was happening?

“So, what time are you in?” Serena tries not to think about how her heart was racing all of a sudden, nothing to do with running.

“Day off.” Bernie smiles shyly and waves to go. “See you tomorrow. Same time?”

“You don't go running on your days off.” Serena states confused.

“Oh well. I figured that you needed my help and the quicker we get to it, the quicker you can get to the park and see Alicia.” Bernie whole body rails against the thought of Serena with the other woman, but she pushes down the first ripples of jealousy swimming in her gut. “Anyway, I'd best be off.” She starts to jog back to her apartment and doesn't dare to look back at the brunette. If she had, she would have seen a slow, fond smile play on Serena's lips as she watched her friend move.

Over the next few weeks they work on getting Serena up to doing circuits in the park. The heavy, unspoken swirl of burgeoning attraction is still there between them, but both choose to ignore it and try to get their easy, uncomplicated friendship back on track.

“I think we could give the park a go tomorrow. I'd say you're ready.” Bernie smiles but doesn't manage to feel anything but dread at the thought. She would much prefer to keep Serena to herself. That wasn't what they'd agreed, or what Serena wanted, so no point prolonging things.

“Are you sure? Perhaps just a couple more days...” Serena was having similar thoughts now about her plan. She'd rather spend her time with Bernie.

“You're the one who wanted to get Alicia’s attention. No point putting it off any longer. I do have my own life outside of helping you.” Bernie doesn't mean to snap as jealousy consumes her.

“Of course. Yes. Sorry. Of course you do.” Serena replies more than a little stung by the blonde's tone. “Tomorrow then.”

They set off for the park the next day and neither says a word to the other the whole time. Both felt their feet getting heavier the closer they got to their destination.

“Now's your chance.” Bernie sees Alicia first and fights back a wave of nausea. “I'll leave you to it.”

Serena looks back at Bernie sadly as she keeps running towards Alicia. For her part, Bernie tries not to watch as the two women stop to chat but she couldn't seem to look away.

Her heart clenches in her chest as the pair smile at each other and when Alicia reaches out to run a hand over Serena’s arm she has to avert her gaze. She'd seen enough and starts to jog back the way they'd come, heading for home. The pounding of her feet on the path did nothing to quiet the myriad of questions invading her mind. Why didn't she see this before? Why only now when Serena was interested in someone else did she realise how she felt about her? Why Serena? Why couldn't she fall for someone she stood a chance with? All these months they'd been friends and she'd had no idea... She couldn't ruin their friendship with this foolish attraction. Serena didn't think of her that way, she needed to drop this.

“Bernie! Where are you going? Wait for me!” Serena calls out to her but Bernie keeps running, pretending not to hear her. “Hey, stop for a second!” Serena tugs her to a halt.

“How'd it go?” Bernie feigns interest, not wanting in the slightest to actually know.

“She wants to go for dinner on Saturday night.” Serena smiles softly.

“Great. That's just great.” Bernie starts to jog away again. That was not fucking great, it was the complete fucking opposite of great.

“She says she can bring a friend. For you. Like a double date.” Serena puts it to her tentatively. “Will you come?”

“Fine.” Bernie relents when she looks back at Serena’s hopeful expression. That was the last thing she wanted to do.


	3. Chapter 3

“I'm not sure if I can do this.” Bernie stalls them outside the restaurant that had been chosen for the double date. Serena notes with more than a touch of concern that she looks mildly terrified.

“What is it?” Serena rubs up and down her friend's arms trying to soothe her. They had chosen to share a taxi to meet the other two women at the restaurant. Serena had noticed that her friend seemed to get more and more worked up on the journey, barely speaking to the brunette.

“I've never been on a blind date before. I'm so rubbish at this kind of thing.” That was certainly part of the blonde's anxiety but not the whole story. Could she spend an entire evening watching Alicia and Serena flirt with each other, potentially grow closer? “What was her name again?” She starts to pace on the pavement outside and rubs nervously at her forehead.

“Her name is Cara.” Serena grabs Bernie by the shoulders and squeezes gently, holding her still to face her and to stop her wearing a hole in the tarmac. “Relax. Breathe. She might be feeling this too, and I'm sure she'll be willing to forgive a few perfectly understandable nerves.” Serena smiles widely at her friend. “And I'll be right there. If you start to feel too uncomfortable, we'll leave. Ok?” She stretches her thumb up from the blonde's shoulder to caress the side of her face.

“I can't ask you to do that. What about Alicia?” Bernie instinctively turns slightly into the touch, closing her eyes for a moment.

“You're more important.” Serena holds her gaze for a second before leaning in to brush her lips to Bernie's cheek. The simple gesture calms the blonde's nerves and breaks her heart all at once. Why couldn't this be just the two of them on a date together?

“Serena, I need to tell you something.” Bernie closes her eyes and takes a deep breath to gather her courage. Here goes...

“Hello ladies.” Alicia breaks the pair apart with her greeting. “Not late are we?” She glances down at her watch and back up to the women with a bright smile.

“No. Perfect timing.” Bernie mumbles out through gritted teeth.

“Good good.” Alicia seems oblivious to the blonde's clipped tone. “Ah now. Bernie Wolfe, this is my friend Cara Wilson. Cara, this is Bernie.” She introduces the two women first while Serena watches, trying and failing to avoid assessing the woman from head to toe as she shakes Bernie's hand with a shy smile.

It hits Serena for the first time then that she hadn't considered how she might feel if the pair hit it off. It didn't seem to have crossed her mind until faced with the encounter that Bernie might get on with Alicia’s friend and that it could end up going somewhere. She schools her expression into friendly curiosity as she then shakes Cara's hand and she tampers down her seething jealousy. This Cara was about her height, curvy but not as soft around the edges as Serena felt she had become over the years. She has shoulder length straight blonde hair and blue eyes, she is a little younger and a lot prettier than Serena. Her heart sinks. On face value there was very little for Bernie not to like.

“Shall we go in?” Bernie smiles and holds the door open for Cara, with a chivalrous hand to the small of her back and Serena internally fumes as she sees Bernie help her remove her coat and carries it over her arm to the table and drapes it over Cara's seat for her. No sign of her earlier nerves apparent as Bernie pulls the woman's chair out for her. Serena tries to shake off the foul mood threatening to overwhelm her and shucks her own coat with an angry haste, throwing it huffily over the back of her own seat.

Bernie can't take her eyes off of her friend then as she is offered her first glimpse of what was under Serena’s coat. The air leaves her lungs as she tries not to stare and her heart rattles wildly against her ribs. Serena was wearing a simple but gorgeous black dress and the promise of cleavage makes Bernie’s mouth water. “You look beautiful.” She whispers into the brunette’s ear as she takes her place beside Serena and opposite Cara.  
Serena’s whole body blushes at the compliment and she rakes her fingers through the hair at the nape of her neck as a pleased smile breaks out on her face. 

“Thanks. So do you by the way.” They end up just staring at each other with matching grins for longer than is probably comfortable for the other pair. Bernie doesn't even hear her when Cara asks a question and waits for her answer until the sound of a throat clearing burst the bubble surrounding two women.

“Huh?” Bernie slowly drags her gaze away from Serena and can tell by the look on Cara's face that she had asked her something and was expecting a reply, but Bernie had no idea what it was. “Sorry, what?” She blushes furiously and vows to try harder to pay attention to her date from now on.

They all order their food and drinks as they start to settle in and are getting along well. If Bernie seems to be getting flustered or anxious again at any point, Serena gives her thigh a quick squeeze of encouragement under the table. The touch appears to ground her and she occasionally places her hand over the top of the brunette’s and returns the squeeze with a small smile over at her friend.

Bernie observes rather sadly that Serena seems to be getting on well with Alicia and struggles to keep her mind on the woman in front of her. Serena deserved some happiness after what had happened with her snake in the grass ex-husband and that useless copper who had been so unaccepting of sweet, lovely Jason. She wouldn't get in the way of her chance to have someone and Alicia seemed nice.

She excuses herself to the bathroom after the meal and heads away from the table. Serena watches her go and decides to follow her. Bernie is just leaning over the sink and sighing heavily when Serena pops her head around the door, she quickly moves to wash her hands as the brunette enters the room.

“You ok?” Serena steps up next to her friend who smiles a little wanly at her in the mirror.

“Yeah. Fine. Things seem to be going well with Alicia?” Bernie turns away to pull some paper towel from the dispenser to dry her hands.

“Oh I don't know. I can't tell if she's really interested or not.” Serena lies outright. She couldn't care less anymore whether Alicia liked her or not.

Bernie thinks that Serena's insecurities are coming into play again and doesn't realise what Serena really wants to say. She is conflicted for a moment, part of her wanted nothing more than for Alicia to not see how amazing the brunette was, but that was the selfish part of her. The other part of her didn't like to see Serena doubt herself and that was the part that won out.

“Nonsense! What's not to like? You are smart and funny and gorgeous. I can tell she likes you.” Those last words almost scorch her tongue, but she was Serena's friend first and foremost.

“You think so?” Serena tries to sound hopeful about Alicia, but she couldn't stop replaying the way Bernie had looked at her when she called her gorgeous and she couldn't fight the smile on her face. That smile was all the confirmation it took for Bernie to know that she needed to step back, Serena was attracted to Alicia.

“I know so.” She shut her eyes against the pain in her chest and forces a smile on to her own face.

“What about you? Cara seems nice.” Serena looks at the floor and plays with the pendant around her neck.

“Oh yeah. She’s lovely.” Bernie knows she has to pretend. “I guess I meet see her again. If she wants to.”

Serena’s blinks away the shine of tears and pulls her mouth into a tight, fake smile at the thought. “Great.” Her voice sticks on the word and she has to cough to stop from choking on the lump in her throat.

“Let's go back, eh?” Bernie rushes to the door and leads them back to the table.

“Bernie? What was it you wanted to tell me before, when we were outside?” Serena suddenly remembers she never found out.

“Nothing. It's nothing. It wasn't important.” Bernie brushes off the question. “Hey, I know a way you can figure out if Alicia likes you for sure.” God help her, she was trying to be a good friend but this was killing her.

“You do?” Serena tries to hide the edge of disappointment in her voice.

“Dance with me.” Bernie turns back and pulls them over to the dancefloor. “It'll make her jealous.”

Serena lets herself be dragged to the middle of the floor and Bernie makes sure that Alicia can see them as she wraps Serena in her arms as they start to dance.

“See. I told you. She can't take her eyes off you.” Bernie swings them around so that Serena can see Alicia watching them over the blonde's shoulder. “Can't say I blame her.” She strokes softly at the brunette’s side with her thumb.

Serena flushes in Bernie's embrace and looks up to stare into her best friend's eyes. “Bernie, I think I -”

“It worked. She's coming over.” Bernie whispers to her friend. “I have just one more trick up my sleeve.” She pulls back to catch Serena's eye with a mischievous twinkle in hers. Before Serena can respond, Bernie is dipping her playfully with a huge grin on her face. 

As she brings Serena back up to standing, the brunette places a hand on the blonde's chest to steady herself and feels Bernie's heartbeat thumping under her fingertips. Both are left face to face, noses almost touching, as Bernie begs her body not to react to the way Serena is tracing the first button done up on her shirt with her finger. She sucks in a sharp breath when, just for a second, Serena's finger slips between the edges of the fabric to brush her skin. Just that briefest of touches leaves her arguably more aroused than she'd ever been in her entire life.

Serena catches a glimpse of the unmistakable darkness in her friend's eyes, the tell tale blown pupils as she sways in her arms. She's sure the same look must be written all over her own features, wonders if Bernie can see it, but Alicia is there before she can say anything.

“Um. Sorry. Bernie, I think Cara needs to go. She's looking for you to walk her out.” Alicia smiles over to her friend and then looks back at the pair. “And you. I see your game, Campbell. Trying to make me jealous, are we?”

“Was it working?” Serena tries to be her usual flirtatious self but her heart wasn't in it.

Bernie blinks away the haze of desire that she hopes neither woman noticed and takes Serena's quip as her cue to leave them to it.

Serena can't take her eyes off of her friend’s departing back as Alicia steps in to dance with her instead. It was nothing like dancing with Bernie, she thinks regretfully.

Bernie helps Cara put her coat back on and walks her outside to get a cab.

“Well, it was nice to meet you Bernie.” Cara smiles warmly at the other blonde. ‘I would give you my number, but something tells me you wouldn't call. You need to tell her how you feel.”

“Who?” As if Bernie didn't know, the look on Cara's face says it all.

“Serena feels the same way. I'm not sure if you can see that, but she does.” Cara asserts.

“No. We're friends, that's all.” That never got any easier to swallow.

“Uh huh. If you say so. Take it from someone stuck in the friends zone, you can't hang around on this. Do it before it's too late.” Cara warns.

“You have feelings for Alicia?” Bernie puts it all together.

“Can't help who you fall in love with. Isn't that what they always say?” Cara pecks Bernie's cheek gently and steps into her taxi.

Bernie walks slowly back inside, intending to say goodbye to her friend. She sees Serena and Alicia dancing and laughing and she can't bear to go over. She sends Serena a quick text which she can read later and decides to walk home.

Cara's words echo in her mind the entire way. She couldn't tell Serena now, that was the last thing she could do after seeing her so clearly enjoying herself with Alicia. It was already too late, she was going to have to content herself with just staying Serena's friend.


	4. Chapter 4

Serena had been engulfed by an unshifting jealousy ever since that night at the restaurant. Bernie had left with Cara and all Serena had gotten was a lousy text:

‘Enjoy the rest of your night. Cu at work on Monday. B x'

She couldn't just come right out and ask if they'd spent the night together, but the thought was eating away at her. She had insisted on the double date and effectively pushed Bernie into Cara's willing, slim, impossibly toned arms. She was fuming and no one on the ward dared cross her. Even Bernie kept conversation and eye contact to a minimum, while she tried to figure out what had gotten into the brunette.

“A word in the office please, Ms Campbell.” Bernie was forced to intervene when one of the agency nurses looked close to tears as Serena's wrath rained down on the poor girl.

“What?” Serena sulked and crossed her arms over her chest, clearly not amused at being dragged away like some naughty schoolgirl.

Bernie closed the door behind them and drew in a breath, wondering what her best approach was.

“Serena, is something bothering you? I mean besides that poor nurse not being fast enough to phone radiology for Mr Logan’s scans...” Bernie keeps her distance, wringing her hands anxiously and praying she'd not just incur further rage.

“Not a thing.” Serena chimes in response, a tight, fake smile, that looked more like a pained grimace, pulling at her lips. “You know how useless agency staff can be.”

“Ah hah.” Bernie smiles tightly in response. She knew Serena was keeping something back, but she couldn't fathom why. She thought they told each other everything. She thought her best friend would come to her if she was this obviously upset about whatever it was.

“You had a nice time with Cara then on Saturday? Will you be seeing her again?” Serena seems to ask out of nowhere and Bernie is completely stumped. She misses the flash of pure jealousy in the brunette’s expression.

“Yes. She was pleasant enough. I don't know if we'll see each other again. She wasn't really -” Bernie starts to tell her friend that there was nothing between her and the other blonde, but is interrupted by a knock at the door. Oh great, Alicia. Bernie tries to hold in her temper and not let either woman see her jealousy.

“Hey. I just came to check if you were free now for lunch.” She smiles over at Serena. “And look who I brought with me.” She steps aside to reveal Cara standing nervously behind her. “You two seemed to hit it off on Saturday so I figured that I'd play Cupid, since this one...” Alicia nudges her friend gently. “...tells me you forgot to exchange numbers before she left in her cab.” Cara casts an apologetic look in Bernie's direction.

Serena is hit by two conflicting emotions at that moment. Relief that Bernie mustn't have gone home with Cara after all and crashing waves of more jealousy that the blonde was here. To see Bernie again. After Bernie had just insisted that she wasn't going to. She shoots her friend a withering look. Bernie doesn't see it because she is openly gawping at Cara. Fine. That was just fine. If Bernie was going to be dating Cara, then she would just have to keep on seeing Alicia too. Even though she'd told herself that she would let Alicia know at lunch that they could just be friends, because she wanted to come clean with Bernie...

“Lovely!” Serena quips and links elbows with Alicia, as she sweeps them out towards Pulses and almost knocks poor Cara off her feet.

“What are you doing here?” Bernie asks once the other two women are far enough in front to be out of earshot.

“I know. I know. I'm sorry. She's impossible to say no to.” Cara fidgets awkwardly as they walk behind the other pair.

“I get that.” Bernie smiles and looks longingly at her friend's back. “I'm assuming you haven't told her you're in love with her.” Bernie gestures at Alicia.

“Shush!” Cara panics that she might hear them. “Have you told Serena?” She fixes the trauma surgeon with a knowing look.

“Touché.” Bernie cast a forlorn look over at the other blonde. “What a mess.” She sighs heavily.

They quickly join Serena and Alicia in the queue before they slip off to sit at separate tables for two.

Serena spends her time watching Bernie and trying not to think of how she wanted to switch places with Cara. Bernie does the exact same thing as she studies the brunette. Neither were paying particularly attention to their actual date.

“She's jealous.” Cara drags Bernie's focus back to her.

“No.” Bernie shakes off the notion.

“She really is. If looks could kill. Let's just say I'm glad I'm in a hospital right now.” Cara insists.

Bernie laughs at that and Serena smiles at the sound before a twinge of sadness hits that she wasn't responsible for it. She loved Bernie's ridiculous laugh. In all honesty, she just loved Bernie. That thought should worry or frighten her maybe, but she felt lighter somehow, even if she was only admitting it to herself inside her own head.

“Good lord, what an awful laugh. Poor Cara's ears.” Alicia scoffs as she sips at her coffee.

Serena bristles at the insult, heckles raised, she sits a little taller, preparing to defend her friend when she realises how that might sound. If Bernie liked Cara, there was no place for her useless jealousy. The thought makes her slump back in her seat.

“How are you fixed on Friday night? I thought we might go to the cinema or something.” Alicia suggests.

Serena opens her mouth to refuse but she glances over at Bernie to see Cara rubbing her arm softly. “Sure. I'm free from 7pm.” She replies sadly. “Listen, I should get back. I'll see you on Friday.” She stands to go off to the ward but Alicia grips her wrist and pulls her down to kiss her cheek.

Bernie sees the whole thing and looks on crushed.

“Don't do that.” Cara notices the pain in her eyes.

“Do what?” Bernie can barely speak.

“Don't give up. It was just a peck on the cheek, hardly a marriage proposal. She wants you. You have to see that surely.” Cara squeezes the other blonde's hand kindly.

“She doesn't Cara. Time to stop fooling myself.” Bernie frees her hand from the hold and stands to leave.

“How can you know that when you won't tell her how you feel? You're only guessing that she has no feelings for you. At least let her make up her own mind.” Cara tries to reason with her.

“Is that what you've done with Alicia?” Bernie snaps at the other woman, knowing full well it wasn't.

“Alright. I will if you will.” Cara challenges.

“What?” Bernie responds with a scared expression.

“I'll talk to Alicia, if you talk to Serena.” Cara stands and extends her hand to seal the deal.

Bernie stares at the outstretched hand for a moment, wondering what she's let herself in for. “Ok.” She agrees uncertainly with a quick handshake.

Serena sits at home that evening and a plan formulates in her mind. She'd not touched her Shiraz yet, so she couldn't even blame in on that. Could she really do this? She fires off a text to Bernie before she has a chance to change her mind.

‘Can you come over after your shift? I need your help. S xx'

She was sure that would make her friend come and now she just has to hope her nerve holds out long enough to put her plan into action. She puts her wine away again, it might not hurt to have a little Dutch courage running through her veins, but best to keep a clear head for this.

Bernie sped straight to Serena's house once she'd finished. Knocking frantically on the front door she waits impatiently for her friend to answer. “What is it? What's happened? Is it Jason?” She fires the panicked questions at the brunette the second she opens the door.

“Nothing’s happened. Jason's at Alan's. Everything's fine.” Serena reassures as Bernie finally starts breathing evenly again. “I'm sorry, I didn't mean to frighten you.”

“Christ, Serena.” Bernie's cheeks were flushed pink from the effort of rushing over. “I thought something was wrong.” She was glad that it wasn't.

“Sorry.” Serena apologises again feeling awful for worrying her friend. “Come on in.” She ushers Bernie into the lounge, taking her coat for her and sitting next to her on the sofa.

“So what's up? What did you need my help with?” Bernie looks over at the brunette beside her.

“Em, you know how I asked for your advice with Alicia?” Serena begins.

“Yes.” Bernie's reply is flat and disappointed. That was the last thing she wanted to talk about.

“I just...the thing is...I'm...” Serena takes a breath to calm her nerves and finish the thought. “What's it like kissing a woman?” She meets Bernie's surprised eyes with a determined look.

“Wha -” Bernie's question is lost as Serena moves in and kisses her deeply. Her eyes fly wide open and she forgets for a moment to kiss Serena back, but soon responds in kind, reaching up to cup the back of Serena's neck in one hand, while the other rest gently on her cheek. She wonders fleetingly if Serena isn't still dating Alicia and perhaps they should stop, but she just doesn't want to. Serena's soft moans of pleasure make her head spin and she almost falls off the couch in shock when the brunette's warm tongue slips inside her mouth to find hers. The feeling of Serena's tongue swirling inside her mouth causes the dull throb between her legs to ratchet up several notches. Without thinking, her hand slips from Serena's face to seek out her own waistband. If Serena kept kissing her like this, it wouldn't take much to... She realises suddenly what she was about to do and pulls away shocked by her own lack of self restraint. She is breathing harshly and a tell tale blush covers her face and chest, she stares at Serena, blinking rapidly, sure that the other woman can see how clearly aroused she is and that idea suddenly fills her with shame. It didn't seem to register that Serena had kissed her first, her gaze flickers wildly all over the brunette's face. Had she just ruined their friendship?

“How was that? Maybe we should try again. I'm sure I could do it better.” Serena pushes forward to connect their lips again.

Bernie flies backwards off the end of the sofa and almost tumbles to the floor, catching herself at the last second. “Serena, I don't understand. What...?” She stares at the brunette with startled eyes.

“I just thought that you could show me. So that I know what to do.” Serena shrugs as if that explains everything.

Bernie's brain misfires completely as all she can think about is kissing Serena. What was the appropriate response here? She opens and closes her mouth a few times but nothing comes out apart from a strange squeak.

“There is one more thing you can help me with.” Serena smiles coyly over at her friend.

Heaven help her, she knows she shouldn't ask but... “What is it?” Bernie's words come out breathy and hushed.

“Wait here for a sec.” Serena bounds upstairs and Bernie just watches, mouth agape, wondering what the fuck is going on and why she's still standing here waiting. Once her feet start to work again, she heads for the door. But she couldn't leave when Serena needed her. Could she? Her internal debate rages as Serena's voice makes up her mind.

“Bernie. Can you come up? I'm in my room.” Serena calls for her.

She hesitates for less than a heartbeat before she is running up the stairs and pushing the door open. Nothing could have prepared her for what she found. Standing by the bed, is her best friend. Totally naked.

“Oh shit! Oh my God! Serena, I'm so sorry. I didn't know that you were changing.” Bernie rambles as she spins quickly away from the sight of Serena's bare body. “I'll just...” She points to the hall and starts to go.

“Wait!” Serena shouts after her and she stops dead but doesn't turn around. “Do you think I look old and flabby?”

“No, you're beautiful.” Bernie answers instantly without having to think about it.

“Won't you look at me?” Serena steps closer and Bernie can feel the warmth of her behind her. “Please.”

“Serena...” Bernie loses all rational thought as the brunette presses herself to Bernie's back. Even through her clothes, she can feel Serena's curves against her.

“Don't you want to touch me, Bernie?” Serena whispers into her ear.

She did, oh sweet lord did she ever. Her fingertips itch with sheer yearning to do just that.

“I want you to touch me.” Serena lifts one of the blonde's hands and kisses the back, before she moves it into contact with her own skin.

That's all it takes for Bernie to break. She spins and crashes her lips against Serena's, hands tearing frantically at her own clothes, trying to get them both naked as soon as possible. She is hungry and desperate, as she devours Serena's mouth with her own.

Once she's undressed, she pushes them over to where she knows the bed is and moves them down onto the mattress. No words are exchanged even when they break away from the kiss. The only sounds are their gasps and moans and the blood rushing in their ears, as Bernie consumes Serena's entire being with her hands and her mouth. She can't get enough and she can't quite believe that they are really doing this. She wonders momentarily if they should be here, but she is too lost in Serena to care.

“Oh Bernie! Oh God! I'm...” Serena gasps loudly as her release rips through her body, hands tightly fisted in the bedding underneath her and toes curled almost painfully.

Bernie looks down at her when she's started to recover and is part mesmerized by the beauty of the woman beneath her and part terrified that she should never have let it go that far. She just couldn't stop herself. Her lack of control frightens her, she'd never been like this before. What would Serena think of her?

“Serena, I'm -” She begins to apologise and move away, horrified at her own actions.

“Don't you dare say sorry. I wanted this as much as you.” Serena swallows the apology in another tender kiss.

“You did?” Bernie can't believe her ears.

Serena nods as she trails her hand down the centre of the blonde’s torso with purpose.

“Serena, wait. You don't have to...fuck me!” Bernie cries out as the brunette strokes at her clit teasingly, before thrusting into her with three fingers.

“Oh, I'm going to.” Serena smirks as she pumps mercilessly in and out of the woman on top of her.

Bernie can't help herself as she grinds and rolls against Serena's hand. Fuck, she wouldn't take long. Just thinking about Serena could make her climax. “Serena. Too much. You have to stop. I'm gonna... SHIT!!” She soaks the brunette's digits as she comes all over her hand. “Urgh!” She flops down on top of the brunette, too exhausted to hold herself up anymore. It crosses her mind to be embarrassed by the speed of her orgasm, but she is too satisfied to worry much.

They are both covered in sweat and breathing heavily but it feels incredible, as matching grins break out on their faces.

“I love you, Serena.” Bernie sighs out and brushes her lips along the side of the brunette’s neck, as she nuzzles into the crook of her shoulder. Not exactly how she would have planned to say it, but she feels lighter for it and her heart swells at the possibilities ahead of them.

Serena's phone buzzes and Bernie moves to let her get it, in case it was Jason. She tries to ignore that Serena hadn't reacted or responded to her declaration of love. The brunette's face falls on seeing whatever was on the screen.

“What?” Bernie asks concerned.

“It's Alicia.” She explains and Bernie's heart drops through the floor. “She wants to go to the cinema on Friday.”

“And what? You're going!” Bernie's stands and collects her clothes. “So this...” She sweeps her hand over the bed. “I was what...practice for you to sleep with HER!!” She throws on the items of clothing she needs to cover up, carrying the rest in her hands and storms out towards the front door. She feels humiliated and used in equal measure. She just couldn't believe Serena would do this to her.

“Bernie, no. It's not like that.” Serena chases after her, oblivious to the fact that she was still naked.

“Stay away from me!” Bernie seethes as she hops into her boots and slams the door in Serena face.

She makes it far as her car, slumping into the driver's side, she throws her bra and underwear onto the passenger seat in temper. At herself for being so stupid. At Serena for being so callous and cruel. She twists her hands as they grip tightly to the steering wheel, willing the tears not to come. The sound of her own sobs echoes tauntingly inside the car as she fights to calm down and drive away.


	5. Chapter 5

3 weeks later

“You're leaving.” Those were the first two words Bernie had let Serena say to her since that night.

“Hm.” Bernie hums her confirmation.

“Where?” The question catches in Serena's throat.

“London initially.” Bernie tells her. “Cam is there and Charlie is close by too. The army have requested that I train deploying medics. They may need me to go back to the field at some stage. Nothing is confirmed.” She steadfastly refuses to look at Serena. If she had, she would see the shock and hurt on her face.

“When do you go?” Serena furtively wipes at the stray tears spilling over her lashes. She couldn't cry at work. Not in front of everyone.

“End of next week.” Bernie flips the chart she'd been working on closed and heads for the office door. She never spent any more time in the same place as Serena than she had to. Now was no exception.

“I don't want you to go.” Serena blurts out.

“Why, Serena? Didn't you get enough practice in the other night? Alicia not satisfied with the results?” Bernie bites out and pulls on the handle.

“I’m not with Alicia. I never meant to -” Serena tries again to explain.

“What? Hurt me? You used me for sex?! When you asked me to help you woo her, I never thought that you would...” Bernie trails off as her heart breaks all over again. “That you would trick me into being your shagging practice. Deep down I think I knew that you would never love me back, but I had thought I meant more than that to you.” Bernie's voice is full of sadness and dejection as she flies out of the office.

“I do love you.” Serena sobs into the now otherwise empty space. How could she fix this? She goes off in search of the blonde after she composes herself and finds her on to roof.

“Go away, Serena.” Bernie huffs out a sigh as she tries to hide the fact that she'd been crying.

“No. I need you to listen to me. If you really are going to leave, I want to say my piece and then you can go. I won't try to stop you.” She looks over at the blonde and smiles a little when Bernie hesitantly nods.

“I don't know when it started. I think it's always been there, I just didn't see it. Not until you started helping me with Alicia. She's ok, we get on fine, but she's...” Serena sucks in a sharp breath as she tries to contain her emotions.

“She's what?” Bernie prompts.

“Not you.” Serena says with a hint of sadness. “I didn't go running every morning for 6 weeks because I wanted to impress her. It started as that maybe, but I just went because I liked being with you. And then there was the whole double date fiasco...”

“That was your idea. I never wanted to go.” Bernie says a little harshly.

“I tried to convince myself that I could be attracted to Alicia. I thought I was. Then I just got so jealous when I thought you were with Cara.” Serena puts her face in her hand and rubs nervously at her temples.

“I told you there was nothing between her and I -” Bernie counters.

“Then she showed up at the bloody hospital with Alicia for lunch.” Serena fumes at the memory. “Fawning all over you. That's when I agreed to go to the cinema with Alicia.”

“She came because she couldn't say no to her friend. She's in love with Alicia.” Bernie tells her.

“What?” Serena's head snaps over to the blonde and Bernie nods. “Oh Christ. I'm such an idiot. So, that night I came up with a plan.” She continues. “Not my finest, but I had to do something. I knew I had feelings for you and I didn't know how you felt about me. I figured that I'd play pretend. Like kissing you was just practice. But then kissing you was so incredible and I wanted more. You didn't help matters, I mean I literally had to stand naked in front of you for you to notice me, for you to act on whatever was going on between us. I practically threw myself at you like some lovesick old fool.” Bernie tries to say something then, but Serena wasn't finished. “Then Alicia’s text came through at arguably the worse possible moment. I didn't go to the cinema with her and I told her we were just going to be friends. I swear.” Serena holds her breath waiting for Bernie to say something.

“So, you did trick me into sleeping with you.” Bernie sounds lost and small.

“No, I...” Serena struggles to justify what she did, to offer another explanation. There was none. “I guess I did.” She hangs her head in shame. “I tried to just tell you how I felt.”

“You could have tried harder.” Bernie counters.

“You never told me how you felt!” Serena starts to lose her temper, this was running away from her, she was desperate, Bernie couldn't leave.

“You were with Alicia! I was supposed to be helping you. I didn't know how you'd react if you found out I was...” Bernie stalls, then adds under breath. “...in love with you.”

Fletch bursts through the door then and interrupts them. “Sorry ladies. Adult trauma call. Woman aged 42 struck by a car. Unconscious at the scene. All vitals are low. Probable internal bleeding. Cara Wilson.” He gives them the rundown as they move towards theatre.

Bernie stops dead when she hears the name, Serena doesn't recognise it.

“Aren't you coming?” She looks back at the trauma surgeon.

“It can't be.” Bernie glances over at the patient lying waiting for them. “It's Cara. Alicia’s Cara.” Serena sees her then too.

“Fletch, call her next of kin. And let Alicia King in HR know. Don't let her anywhere near theatre. Do you understand?” Serena orders.

“Yes boss. I'm on it.” Fletch rushes off to follow Serena’s instructions. “Are you ok to be here?” She looks over at Bernie as they scrub in.

“Absolutely. Let's get her patched up.” Bernie flicks off the tap with her elbow, a steely determination in her eyes.

Cara had a tear on her liver from the impact, which they repaired easily enough, she had broken her left wrist and tib-fib on the same side according to all her scans. She had a nasty enough head injury but she was breathing throughout. She was covered in bumps and bruises, but all things considered, she'd be fine after a few weeks of complete rest and some physio.

Alicia is waiting for them when they are coming out of theatre, pacing maniacally and with tears streaming down her cheeks. She looks scared to death as she watches them wheel Cara over to resus.

“Is she -” She can't finish the sentence as she sees her bruised and battered friend looking so small and vulnerable in the bed. She almost collapses with sobs until Bernie catches her.

“She looks badly injured, but she'll be fine. We repaired all the internal damage. The rest is bruising and broken bones. She's been breathing the whole time but she hasn't regained consciousness yet. I think once the anaesthesia wears off completely, she should wake up. The scans show no lasting brain injuries. She was very lucky.” Bernie tries to reassure the woman.

“Lucky?” Alicia laughs harshly. “I did this.”

Serena steps in. “She was hit by a drunk driver. He didn't stop for the crossing. How is that your fault?”

“She called me. Wanted to meet for lunch in town, said she had something to tell me. I didn't know she felt that way...I reacted very poorly. Oh God, I was so horrible to her.” Alicia covers her mouth with her hand, trying to stifle her own cries. “She ran out of the cafe in tears. I should have gone after her. If I had, she never would have...” Bernie leads her over to sit down as Alicia breaks down completely, body shaking as she weeps.

Bernie and Serena exchange concerned glances as they try to calm the woman down.

“I'll go get you something warm and sugary to drink.” Bernie offers as she heads off to fetch Alicia a cup of tea, leaving Serena to sit with her.

“Do you think I could sit with her? Will she wake up soon?” Alicia swipes at her tears with her palm as she looks over hopefully at the brunette.

“You're not next of kin so they'll have final say, but I'm sure you could stay with her until they get here. I can't say when she'll wake up but hopefully in the next few hours.” She rubs soothing patterns on the other woman's back.

“I have to tell her.” Alicia sits taller, seeming to have pulled herself together a bit. Serena's brow creases in confusion. “I love her too. That's what I should have said before. She needs to know. If she'd...If something had happened today, I couldn't live with knowing that I never told her.” She catches Serena's eye as her own shine with more unfallen tears.

Bernie walks up the corridor towards them again with three cups in her hands. Serena takes in the truth behind Alicia's words and resolves that she needs to do the same. She smiles softly at the blonde heading in their direction. I love Bernie Wolfe, she thinks to herself.

“Here. Drink this.” Bernie indicates Alicia’s cup and then passes Serena hers, before she takes a quick sip of her own.

“Thank you.” Alicia squeezes the blonde's hand in gratitude, not just for the tea. “Both of you.” She turns and does the same to Serena's hand. “You make quite a team.” She smiles shyly between the pair.

Bernie has to look away as Serena beams up at her with those words. She had to stop getting all tangled up over the brunette, reading more than was there into every interaction. That's what had created this mess in the first place. She was leaving in a few days and Serena was growing closer to Alicia again. She'd seen the looks and the touches between them when she'd come back from the staff room...

“I'd best go check on Cara.” She thinks it might be best to leave them to it.

“Alicia wants to sit with her.” Serena explains.

“No problem. I'll do a quick obs and then you can get settled. Do you need me to let Mr Hanssen know?” Bernie offers kindly.

“Please.” Alicia smiles over to the blonde.

Serena walks with them to Cara's side room and they are all pleasantly surprised to see the blonde starting to come round.

“Cara.” Alicia smiles widely over at the woman in the bed.

“Hey.” Cara's reply is tired and unsure. “What happened?”

“Some asshole hit you with his car on a crossing. Drunk apparently.” Alicia pulls a chair up to sit beside her friend and gently strokes her hair off her face. “You're going to be fine.” She lets a few tears escape as she caresses the blonde's cheek. “When you're ready to get out of here, you'll come stay with me. I'll take care of you.”

“No. It's fine. My parents. Did anyone call them?” She looks up at the two surgeons by the door who nod with a little smile. Cara pulls away from Alicia's hand and turns her head to one side so she doesn't have to look at her. “I'm tired. I just want to be left alone.”

Alicia's face falls as she realises how badly she's hurt Cara with her thoughtlessness. “Cara, about earlier -”

“Don't Allie. I get it. I never should have told you. It won't happen again. I was just trying to be honest, but you don't feel the same way. I guess I always knew that.” Cara squeezes her eyes closed, hoping it will hold in the tears.

“No, Cara. I -” Alicia struggles to get the words out, so instead she stands and tentatively moves Cara's head round to face her, rubbing away her friend's tears. She leans in to the blonde.

“What are you doing?” Cara meets her eyes bewildered.

“What I should have done years ago. What I definitely should have done when you told me at lunch.” She kisses Cara soft and slow.

Serena and Bernie step outside to give the women some privacy, a tiny smile playing on both their mouths, they reach for the other's hand as they find themselves swept up in the moment.

Bernie glances down at their linked hands and pulls away abruptly. “I should get back to the ward.” She scurries away from the brunette.

“Bernie, wait!” Serena calls out after her but she's already gone. “Damn!”

“I love you.” Alicia whispers against Cara's lips as she gently rests their foreheads together. “I love you so much.” She kisses her again with a little more force. “I'm so sorry it took me so long to see it.”

“Better late than never. Although, I'd rather it hadn't taken me ending up lying here to make you come to your senses.” She runs her pointer finger down Alicia's cupid’s bow and over her lips. “I should have said something sooner.”

“Let's not worry about that. We got there in the end.” Alicia smiles down at her and kisses all over her face.

“We should thank Bernie really.” Cara smiles at the butterfly kisses.

“How so?” Alicia pulls back to look at Cara.

“Well, watching her pine over Serena made me realise I had to tell you. We agreed, she'd come clean with Serena and I'd do the same with you.”

“If she did fess up, I'm guessing it didn't go so well. Bernie's leaving next Friday.” Alicia admits.

“What? No. She can't. Serena loves her too. I know it.” Cara looks crestfallen.

“Are you sure they both feel the same way?” Alicia’s eyes sparkle with the beginnings of a plan.

“Definitely. Why? What are you cooking up? I can see the cogs turning.” Cara fixes her with a knowing stare.

“Well, I am head of HR after all. I'm sure I could find a way...” Alicia smirks as she leans down to kiss the woman she loves again.

They had saved Cara's life, she owed them this at least.


	6. Chapter 6

Alicia was the picture of professional serenity when she beckoned the trauma surgeon into her office that following Monday morning. Technically, she wasn't about to break any employment laws, and the few little tiny white lies she was going to have to tell were all in the name of a good cause.

“Ah, Ms Wolfe. I appreciate you finding the time to fit me into your busy schedule.” She smiles warmly as she gestures to Bernie to take the seat on the other side of the desk.

“Not at all. Bernie's fine. How's Cara?” Bernie hadn't been on all weekend and this was her first stop, so she hadn't seen Cara yet.

“She's tired and not too happy about a long stay here, but she seems in good spirits.” A telling smile spreads on Alicia face of its own accord, thinking about the blonde. How had she not seen it?

“I'm sure you have something to do with her good mood.” Bernie quips. “I'm pleased you for you both.” She genuinely was.

“Thanks.” Alicia flushes slightly. “Anyway...” Back to the matter at hand. “... I'm afraid that I have some unfortunate news about your resignation.”

“What do you mean?” Bernie frowns.

“It seems that the replacement paperwork has not been filed as requested. I have dealt with the temp responsible for the oversight and I can't apologise enough.” Alicia wasn't sorry in the slightest.

“Ok. I'm still not sure what you're saying exactly.” Bernie still looks puzzled.

“It has only just come to my attention and we have tried all of the agency logs, but it seems there is no locum suitably experienced available to be trained by yourself and Ms Campbell in time for your departure. Mr Hanssen is unable to spare anyone from another ward and he asserts that AAU and the Trauma Bay are too much for one consultant. So, to cut to the chase, I wondered if it might be at all possible for you to extend your leaving date.” Alicia waits for Bernie's response with bated breath.

“Extend? By how long?” Bernie asks, a little taken aback.

“Had the paperwork been filed at the time, it still would have likely taken at least a couple of weeks, possibly longer, for someone competent enough to apply. Would you consider staying for another 4 weeks?” Alicia winces internally, knowing it was a lot to ask.

“Well, I...” Bernie is flummoxed. She had prepared herself to leave in 4 days and now it might take another month.

“I can only apologise again. I know it would be a great help to Serena if you could hold off until we have a replacement.” She hopes she hasn't gone to far with that.

 _Serena_.

She was all Bernie ever seemed to think about anymore. It was the sweetest torment somehow.

“Truth be told, I'm not due to start at my new post until the end of next month anyway. If it will help, I can spare a few more weeks.” Bernie agrees with only one thing in mind. Or rather, one person: Serena.

“I can't thank you enough.” Alicia beams. “I will adjust your paperwork and send out a staff wide email as soon as I have a chance.”

“Don't forget the replacement form this time.” Bernie smiles and excuses herself.

“Oh, I don't think we'll be needing that.” Alicia pulls the form out of her drawer and fires it straight into the shredder. Thankfully she was old friends with the recruiter they normally used, she had suggested they start using him when she'd come on board and they went way back. He had been briefed to fob off any interest in the post until further notice and quietly cancel any interviews that might have already been scheduled. Thankfully the part about there being no one really suitable enough was true for the moment. Next she sends a text to Serena, hoping she gets the message:

‘You have another month. Make sure you don't waste it. Talk to her...’

Serena frowns at her phone screen as she reads the SMS from Alicia. What in the name of God was she on about?

She jumps and drops her phone when Bernie storms into the office and throws herself into her chair with a huff.

“Cheer up. It might never happen.” Serena bends to retrieve her phone. “Just think, come Friday you'll be shot of us.”

“Not anymore.” Bernie mumbles.

“Excuse me?” Serena settles in her seat again.

“Some blasted temp didn't file the replacement request. Alicia has asked me to stay until next month.” Bernie sulks.

“Oh.” Serena tries to look unfazed but she could burst with glee. She thinks back to Alicia’s text. “ _Oh_.” Now she understood. “And you said yes, I take it?” Keep your cool, Campbell she tells herself.

“Couldn't leave you... I mean the ward in the lurch. Could I?” Bernie smiles at the brunette for the first time in weeks and Serena’s heart skips a beat.

“Thank you.” Serena says softly and returns the smile. Really she wants to jump for joy and dance a jig, but she holds it in. “We'll have to postpone your leaving dinner.”

“Yeah, I guess so.” Bernie shrugs, she hadn't been overly thrilled at having to be centre of attention for the evening anyway.

“We could still go.” Serena suggests. “Change the booking to just the two of us.”

Bernie's gaze flicks up from her computer screen, openly staring at Serena in disbelief.

“Oh, well....I just thought...” Serena stumbles over her words when she sees the look on Bernie's face. “I don't want us to part on bad terms. I miss you. I'd like to be friends again.” Friends?! Where the hell did that come from? That's not what she wants. She internally chides her own uselessness.

Friends. The word pierces straight through Bernie's heart. Was that all Serena wanted? It must be... “Sure. I'd like that too.” She replies sadly. “I'll just go start rounds.”

Serena watches her go and opens her mouth to take back the ‘friends' comment, but Bernie's already out the door.

“Well done, Serena.” She gives herself a stern talking to. “Friends is the last thing you want, you bloody fool!” She quickly rings the little Italian restaurant and changes their reservation with no problems. Right, she'd tell Bernie the truth at dinner.

“Hey, gorgeous.” Alicia peeks her head round the door to Cara's side room on AAU with a bright smile.

“Hello.” Cara responds with a small smile of her own.

“How's she doing?” Alicia looks over to Bernie, who was taking her obs.

“Everything looks good.” Bernie glances up and then back to Cara's chart as she writes. “I think we could think about discharging you next week.” She smiles at the woman in the bed.

“That soon?” Cara beams.

“Provided you take it easy, there's no reason why you can't rest at home. You'll have to come back in a few weeks to look at removing your sutures and then the casts a few weeks after that. We'll arrange physio once the casts are off. I have no issue with signing the discharge forms, as long as you have someone who can keep an eye on you.” Bernie explains.

“She can stay with me. I can use some leave and work from home for a while.” Alicia offers.

“Allie, I can't ask you to do that.” Cara tries to refuse.

“You're not asking, I offered. I want to look after you.” Alicia grips her good hand affectionately. She looks stung when Cara pulls away from her.

“I'll be back in a little while to check on you again.” Bernie sees the exchange and decides to give them some space. She squeezes Alicia's shoulder in a gesture of support and heads off to her other patients.

“Cara, sweetheart what's wrong?” She reaches out to touch the blonde but she flinches away again. “Talk to me.” She pleads for the other woman not to push her away.

“I don't need you to look after me. I'm not some project for you to use to make yourself feel better.” Cara says all of this to her beside locker, she won't look at Alicia.

“What?” Alicia has no idea what she's talking about.

“That's why you're doing this, right? You just feel bad because of what happened. You don't have to pretend to be in love with me just to alleviate your guilt. I don't blame you for my getting run over, you're off the hook.” Cara loves Alicia, she wants her desperately, but not like this.

“No, Cara. That's not what this is.” Alicia comes round to face the blonde, who turns the other way. “Look at me, please.” She gently coaxes Cara to turn back to her. “I'll admit that the thought of what could have happened was the kick in the backside I needed to wake up to my feelings for you. But none of those feelings are about pity or guilt. I love you. I did before your accident, I was just too stupid to see it. You don't have to come stay with me when you get out of here if you don't want to. But I'm not going anywhere. This is real. I mean, for me it is. If you're having seconds thoughts...” Alicia's heart breaks at the notion.

“You have a lot of time to think lying here. I just can't stop hearing what you said to me in the cafe.” Cara sucks in a sharp breath at the memory, she didn't want to cry in front of Alicia.

“I'm so sorry. I never should have said any of it. I didn't mean it.” Alicia's voice cracks throughout.

“You did, though Allie. We've been friends forever and I know you. You don't say things you don't mean. I've loved you so much, for so long, and I just wouldn't survive if we got together and it didn't work out. To have even a small taste of what I've always wanted, only to have it taken away, would kill me. I can't do it. It's best if we're just friends. We should pull back before it goes too far. I can't have you break my heart, I couldn't stand it.” Cara eyes are glassy with unshed tears and she has to look away from her friend to hold them at bay. At least until Alicia leaves.

“So that's it?” Alicia sobs out and Cara nods shakily, spilling the waiting tears. “Friends or nothing?”

“It's the only way.” Cara confirms with no conviction.

“I don't think I can just be your friend now.” Alicia admits. “I want to be with you.”

“Well, you can't always have what you want! Believe me, I know.” Cara rages, determined to push Alicia away. “I know it's an alien concept for the great Alicia King. So used to always getting what you want. Women falling at your feet all over the place. I can't imagine you'll give me so much as a second thought once you find the newest conquest to distract you.”

“Cara, please.” Alicia lets the blonde see her crying, she's powerless to stop the flow.

“Get out.” Cara snaps. “I never want to see you again. I mean it.” She pushes the call button to get someone to remove her from the room.

“Cara. What's happened?” Bernie rushes in to check on the blonde. She takes in the two sobbing women and her heart sinks. This wasn't going to be good.

“Can you please ask Miss King to leave? I don't want her here.” Cara keeps her eyes fixed on Bernie.

“Cara...” Alicia tries again.

“GET OUT!!” Cara screams at her.

“I think we should just give Miss Wilson some space, ok?” Bernie helps Alicia outside. “What happened?” She searches Alicia's face for answers.

“She...I...” Alicia can't speak.

“Come on. Let's go into the office.” Bernie guides her in to sit in a visitors chair.

“Alicia, what on Earth...?” Serena moves to sit beside her and hugs her tightly as she shudders with sobs. She looks up to Bernie who shakes her head, she doesn't know what went on.

“She was in visiting Cara...” Alicia's cries get louder at the mention of the blonde's name. “...when Cara buzzed and said she wanted her out.”

“She doesn't want to see me ever again.” Alicia confesses. “She thinks I only told her I loved her because I felt guilty about what happened to her. It's not like that. I swear.” She looks between the two women, both could easily see that she was genuine.

Serena reaches over for the box of tissues on her desk, offering it to Alicia.

“This is all my fault.” Alicia wipes furiously at the tears soaking her cheeks. “She thinks I didn't mean it and she says she'd rather not get in too deep if I'll only end up hurting her. I can't say I blame her. I'm not known for my longevity in relationships and who better to know that than my best friend. I never realised that the reason it never worked with anyone else was because I only wanted her. I deserve to end up alone after how I've treated her.”

“I'm sure she's just scared. She seems to have loved you for a while. It can be a lot to take in when you suddenly get everything you've ever wanted. You start to panic that it's not going to last. Somehow it seems easier to not have it.” Bernie tries to comfort her. “She'll be confused for a while, but I can tell that she loves you. I think she just needs some time to adjust. She's just been faced with her own mortality too, she's bound to be re-evaluating things. Just give her some time.”

“You think so?” Alicia looks tentatively hopeful.

“Bernie's right.” Serena smiles over at the blonde's kindness. “I think it will just take her a little while to organise her thoughts and feelings, but it was more than obvious that she loves you.”

Alicia sees the looks between the two women and decides to give them a gentle push in the right direction.

“It makes you realise how important it is to be honest with the people you love. Life's too short. If I'd seen it sooner, Cara and I could have been together all this time.” She stands up to leave as both surgeons continue to stare at each other. They barely notice her slip out of the office. At least it looked like Bernie and Serena were on their way to working things out. She hoped she and Cara wouldn't be far behind them.

“Bernie...” Serena stands to face the blonde.

“Serena...” She hopes she's not reading this wrongly. “I -”

Serena silences her by placing a finger over her lips. “No more talking.” She tickles the words against Bernie's lips before capturing them with her own.

They kiss hungrily as Bernie presses Serena against the door and they smile into each other’s mouths as they get lost in the feelings.

“So, dinner on Friday?” Serena feels Bernie smile into her skin as she kisses along her jaw and down the length of her neck.

“Hmmm.” Serena can't respond with anything more as Bernie's kisses steal her breath.

“It's a date.” Bernie smiles as she kisses the tip of Serena's nose and lets her go, to reluctantly get back to work.

“I can't wait.” Serena breathlessly admits as she steps aside to let Bernie leave. She leans heavily back against the newly closed door, her legs too unsteady to keep her upright on their own. She fidgets with the pendant around her neck as a huge smile creeps over her face. She had a date. On Friday night. With Bernie Wolfe.


	7. Chapter 7

“Hi Cara.” Serena pops in to do the next set of obs later that day. “Just going to have a quick look at your wound and check you over. How are you feeling?” She sees the blonde staring blankly out the window, it's clear she's been crying.

“Fine.” She replies, sounding anything but. Her voice is thick with the threat of more tears, she just sounds sad and faraway.

“This looks good.” Serena gently changes the dressing on the blonde's torso. “I think we'll run another IV of antibiotics just to be sure to avoid infection. How's your pain?”

Cara just shrugs her shoulders.

“Is everything ok? Your mood seems to have dipped today.” Serena gives her a concerned look.

“Just spit it out. I'm sure you know about my fight with Alicia.” Cara's tone is harsh and flat.

“Bernie brought her into the office to calm down after you had words. She's very upset. I heard she had to be sent home. I know you've convinced yourself that her feelings for you aren't going to last, but I can see she loves you very much.” Serena reasons.

“You don't know her like I do.” Cara snaps.

“That may be true, but I know enough to recognise love when I see it.” Serena tries to get her to see sense. “You know she helped me to get another chance with Bernie?”

Cara turns to face the brunette. “Really?”

Serena nods and shows Cara the message from Alicia. “I don't know exactly what she did to make Bernie stay longer, but I'd imagine whatever it was could risk her job if anyone figures it out. If she's really the person you think, why would she put all that on the line for two women she hardly knows?” Serena is fairly certain she knows precisely why.

“Because of me.” Cara confesses, remembering their previous conversation, and she starts to regret her earlier behaviour. “I didn't exactly ask her to, but she knew I was rooting for you two.”

“Still think she doesn't really love you now?” Serena challenges.

Cara looks up helplessly at the brunette. “Oh God. What have I done?” She buries her face in her hand and sobs through her fingers.

Serena perches on the edge of the blonde's bed and makes soothing noises to try to comfort her. “Nothing that can't be fixed, I'm sure.”

“I told her I didn't ever want to see her again.” Cara's head moves out of her hand to catch Serena's eye, tears rolling down her face.

“I don't think she -” Serena is cut off by Bernie bursting into the room.

“Sorry ladies. We're needed in theatre.” She smiles apologetically at Cara.

Serena squeezes the blonde's hand as she stands to leave. “I'll talk to her.”

“Thank you.” Cara calls after the brunette as she rushes off. She appreciated the gesture but she couldn't wait that long, so she decides to text Alicia. Fumbling through the belongings in her locker she grips her phone and pulls it out:

‘Please come back to the hospital. We need to talk x’

Now she just has to wait.

Alicia sits on a stool at the bar, fully intent on drowning her sorrows. If she could get the bloody bartender to serve her. She finally manages to order her wine, making the man leave the bottle. She is just about to take her first sip when a voice beside her draws her attention away from her drink.

“You're too gorgeous to be sat here alone.” A leggy blonde plonks herself into the stool next to hers. “Mind if I join you, cutie?”

Alicia makes a noncommittal huff which could be either confirmation or rejection. The blonde seems content that this is her invitation to stay put. Maybe she could make this work for her. If she squinted hard enough and drank too much wine, she could convinced herself she was Cara. Her friend had said it herself, she was right about her. Women would throw themselves at her and, to a certain extent, she could take her pick. Shame she only wanted Cara now. She wonders briefly when and how the blonde had gotten so far under her skin, she was deeply embedded in her heart and mind, that there just wasn't room for anyone else. She knows this wasn't the result of Cara's accident, if she stopped lying to herself, she could freely admit that there had always been a Cara shaped hole inside her. She had rather unsuccessfully tried to fill it with temporary poor substitutes and meaningless flings, but Cara was it for her. If only she'd admitted it in time.

“What do you say you and me get out of here?” The blonde next to her suggestively runs her pointer finger up Alicia arm. Normally that would be enough to spark her interest and she could go home with this woman to have empty, hollow sex that would take the edge off, but was never quite what she needed. She now knows that's because it was never Cara. Now, the touch only serves to make her skin crawl. No amount of squirting or alcohol could trick her body into wanting this blonde. She wants Cara. No one else.

“I can't. Sorry. I'm taken.” She knew she wasn't really, but she felt like she was.

“She's a lucky lady.” The blonde pouts.

“I'm the lucky one.” Alicia jumps off her stool. She needs to see Cara. “Here. On me.” She pushes the wine towards the blonde and bolts out of the bar. She frantically waves down a taxi. “Holby City hospital please.” She hollers at the driver.

She hears her phone buzz in her bag and fishes it out to see Cara's message. At first her heart plummets. ‘We need to talk’ usually wasn't a good sign. She sees a glimmer of hope in the ‘x' at the end though and taps out her reply:

‘On my way x'

Cara smiles as she reads Alicia's text on her screen. Maybe it wasn't too late after all.

A light tap on the door to her room, a little while later, makes her heart beat faster and she feels nervous and shaky.

“Come in.” She calls out softly, trying to stay calm.

She can't contain the bright smile on seeing Alicia enter.

“Hi.” Alicia looks apprehensive, despite being glad to see the other woman smile.

“Hi.” Cara echoes and beckons her further into the room.

“I'm so sorry.” They unison and then laugh shyly.

“Come here. Sit down.” Cara indicates the chair by her bedside.

Alicia crosses the floor uncertainly and perches on the edge of the chair, unsure of how long she’ll be permitted to stay this time.

“Serena tells me that you got Bernie to stay longer.” Cara traces the hem of her bedding and struggles to hold eye contact.

“Yep.” Alicia curses this strange atmosphere that seems to have settle over and between them. They’d never been so awkward around each other before.

“Allie, I'm sorry for how I acted earlier. I just....” She tapers off, not sure she can explain her behaviour.

“No, I never should have spoken to you the way I did last week. It took me by surprise, that's all. When you told me how you felt about me. I never expected it. And you'd never said anything, in all the years we've been friends.” Alicia tilts her head up towards the ceiling, hoping to keep the tears at bay.

“I was scared. Still am. What if you change your mind and you don't really want me after all? I mean, we've never even gone on a date and now we're suddenly in love with each other. Who's to say it would last? I couldn't cope with being with you and then having to let you go.” Cara struggles to hold in her own tears. “What if I'm a disappointment? I'm nothing like all those other women...”

“You could never disappoint me, Cara. It never worked with any of the others because they weren't you. And what if I don't live up to your expectations? I'm useless at all this. You could just as easily get sick of me. I'm sure you could do much better than me.” Alicia keeps her eyes fixed on the floor.

Cara places her hand under the other woman’s chin and raises her head so that they are looking into each other’s eyes.

“I love you, Allie. I've always loved you. Nothing could change that. But I need to know that you really want this. Us. If not, then you have to tell me so that I can try to move on. And maybe that would be simpler if we weren't friends anymore.” Cara doesn't want to let her go, but she has to protect her heart. She'd spent too long hanging on in hopes of more than friendship, and she needed to start getting on with her own life if it wasn't in the cards.

“I don't want you to move on. I don't want to imagine not seeing you or talking to you ever again. I can't picture my life without you in it. You are all that I want and I promise you that I will spend the rest of my life making up for all the time I've wasted. I love you.” Alicia's eyes hold nothing but sincerity and love. Cara never thought she'd ever be on the receiving end of such a look from her best friend.

“Do you think...I mean, would it be alright...” Cara fidgets anxiously in the bed.

“What is it?” Alicia grips her hand and rubs the back with her thumb to try to relax her.

“I'd like to stay with you, when I get out of here. If that's still alright.” Cara looks up from the covers to meet her eye, looking sheepish.

“Of course, I'd love to have you with me.” Alicia beams and Cara lets out the breath she'd been holding on to, whole body flooded with relief. “One condition though.” Alicia adds and Cara tenses again.

“Which is?” Cara swallows down the fear in her throat.

“Whenever you’re well enough again, I'd very much like to take you on that date.” Alicia smiles shyly over at the blonde.

“Alright. I'd like that too.” Cara agrees. “But I want to stay in the spare room and we should just take things slowly. No pressure.”

“Whatever you want.” Alicia tucks a stray strand of blonde hair behind Cara's ear. “Can I kiss you?” Her eyes flit between the blonde eyes and her lips, subconsciously licking her own lips in anticipation.

“Um...I...Yes, I'd like that.” Cara smiles warmly at the other woman and her breath catches as she watches Alicia lean in to kiss her. She'd never felt butterflies like this just from the mere thought of a kiss. She doubted it would, but she hoped the feeling would never fade.

Alicia cups Cara's cheek gently and moves to meet her lips with her own. The kiss is slow and tender and makes them both crave more. But now wasn't the time for that.

Cara pulls away, gripping tightly to Alicia's wrist, suddenly breathless. “I think we should just...I mean, I...” She was gasping and her brain couldn't form the words to allow them to come out of her mouth.

“It's ok. I understand. Slowly. I promise.” Alicia seems to know what was on her mind.

Cara nods, grateful that her friend seems to understand and tries to stifle a yawn.

“Are you tired? Maybe I should let you get some rest.” Alicia stands to leave.

“No.” Cara pulls on the wrist she was still holding. “Would you stay? Just for a while. I want you to stay. Please. Unless you have somewhere else you need to be.”

“There's nowhere else I'd rather be.” Alicia drops a sweet kiss to the blonde's forehead.

Cara shuffles over in the bed to make room for Alicia beside her. “Could you lie with me? Just for a while.” She tugs the other woman down to rest on her uninjured side with no objection from Alicia, who kicks off her heels and holds Cara gently as they both start to fall asleep side by side, matching smiles on their faces.

The door closing and a throat clearing loudly startles the pair awake after some time.

“Hey Mama.” Cara rubs at her bleary eyes and smiles sleepily over at her mother.

“Mrs Wilson. Hello. It's good to see you again.” Alicia jumps down from the bed and steps back into her shoes as she strides towards Cara's Mum, hand outstretched and smiling warmly.

“Alicia.” The woman responds curtly, clearly not sharing the sentiment. She barely glances at the offered hand and certainly makes no attempt to reach for it, keeping her arms tightly folded and drumming the fingers of one hand along her bicep.

“Right...em...yes...well, I...” Alicia falters at the woman's coldness and withdraws her hand to run her fingers anxiously through her hair.

“I brought you a visitor.” Mrs Wilson ignores Alicia altogether and addresses her daughter, before showing the visitor into the room.

“Stephanie.” Cara stares incredulously at her ex standing beside her mother in the doorway.

“Hi.” Stephanie waves shyly at the blonde. “I hope you don't mind, your Mum told me about your accident and I just had to see you.” She rushes over to Cara's side and kisses her without warning.

Cara isn't quick enough to dodge the kiss completely but she pushes her away as soon as she can. “Steph, what are you doing? We broke up.” She sees Alicia's face fall at the kiss and she wants so desperately to go to her.

“I miss you. I think we should talk.” Stephanie replies.

“I'll just leave you to it.” Alicia says robotically and grabs her coat and bag to run out of the room, heart shattering inside her chest.

“Allie, wait!” Cara calls out after her but she can't get out of the damned bed.

“I'll just go and see that she's alright. You two have lots to discuss I'm sure.” Mrs Wilson excuses herself.

“Thanks Mama. Will you bring her back in when you find her?” Cara smiles gratefully at her mother's nod.

Alicia is only a little way up the corridor, leaning against the wall, sucking in great lungfuls of air to try to calm down and is just about managing to reign in her tears.

“You need to stay away from Cara.” Mrs Wilson rounds on Alicia instantly.

“I love her.” Alicia straights up, defiant.

“Oh please. I've watched her pine over you for years now and you never gave her so much as a look. She told me all about your exploits. If you think for one second that I will sit idly by as you add my daughter to the notches on your bedpost -” Cara's Mum is livid.

“It's not like that.” Alicia argues.

“Stephanie cares about her, she's good for Cara. She plans to propose to her. Are you willing to ruin her chance of happiness on a whim?” Mrs Wilson bites out. “Can you offer her all that?”

“I...Yes. I can.” Alicia knows she doesn't sound convincing. She despises the tremor in her voice, making her words sound insincere.

Mrs Wilson pulls Alicia over to the glass in the door. “They make each other happy. Just look.” She jabs her pointer finger at the two women on the other side, neither can see them.

Alicia reels when she sees the scene in the hospital room. Stephanie is sitting beside Cara on the bed as the blonde smiles up at her ex. She does look happy...

“Walk away, Alicia. We both know it would only be a matter of time before you let her down and broke her heart.” Mrs Wilson pleads for her to drop it.

“But I'm in love with her.” Alicia’s voice breaks, the first tear falling on to her cheek.

“If you mean that, you'll do this for her. She could have a good life with Stephanie.” Mrs Wilson asserts.

Alicia considers her options. She'd give anything to make sure Cara was happy. Even if she had to let her go. “Make sure she looks after her. She deserves the best.” She hangs her head sadly in defeat as she turns to walk away, every step crushing her already broken heart.

“Now, I was just going to get us all something from that little cafe by the entrance. Who wants what?” Mrs Wilson bursts back into the room, face splitting grin on her lips.

“Where's Allie?” Cara asks hopefully.

“I couldn't find her, sweetheart. She must have gone home. I'm sure she'll turn up eventually.” Mrs Wilson really hopes she doesn't.

“Oh.” Cara's heart drops like a stone. She'd have to get in touch when Steph and her Mum left, tell her she wasn't getting back together with her ex. She tries to paint on a smile as she chats with her Mum and Steph, but she can't help thinking only of Alicia.


	8. Chapter 8

__“Hey Allie. It's me, Cara. Again.’ She sighs out a tiny laugh to make light of how worried she's been that she can't get hold of her best friend. “I've tried texting you and I keep getting your voicemail when I call... Is everything ok?” She huffs at herself for being ridiculous enough to believe for even a single moment that she might actually get any response to her question from an answerphone. “Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that I'm being discharged tomorrow. You said I could come stay with you and I was wondering if that's still happening...” She searches for what the right words might be to convince Alicia to call her back. She has to admit that she'd have been in touch by now if that's what she wanted. “Listen, don't worry about it. I can go to my parents and leave you in peace. Call me back. Please.” She ends the call and sets her phone back on the top of her bedside locker. She can't figure out what's going on, but she just wishes Alicia would talk to her.

Alicia pinches the bridge of her nose as she listens to the newest of Cara's voicemail messages. She'd forgotten about offering to let her stay while she recovered. Shit. She hadn't slept more than a couple of hours ever since the day that she'd walked away and she could hardly face food. She knew she was doing what was best for the blonde but just hearing her voice make her ache for Cara. Her finger hovers over Cara's number in her phone and she so wants to call her, she owed her an explanation at least, but she couldn't do it. Throwing her phone down on her desk in temper, she tries to get back to work. Cara was with Stephanie. They made each other happy. Cara was better off... She repeats it over and over like a mantra, hoping she'll accept it eventually.

A knock at her office door breaks her out of her thoughts.

“Come in.” She calls as she goes back to pretending to work.

She can only watch, stunned, as Bernie wheels Cara in to sit by her desk.

“Cara? What are you doing here?” Alicia stands to go stare out of the window.

“I'll just be outside when you're ready.” Bernie leaves them to it.

“I figured this was the only way I could get you to talk to me. Why are you ignoring me?” Cara looks hurt but determined.

“I haven't been ignoring you.” Alicia lies.

“Don't give me that! I know you. I can tell that you're lying.” Cara's voice is full of anger. “What the hell is going on, Allie?”

“Nothing.” Alicia mumbles.

“Right, I see. That's how you want to play this. I take it that I'm not going to be staying with you when I get out of here tomorrow.” Cara puts her on the spot.

“It might be better if you -”Alicia starts to turn her down.

“Fine.” Cara's temper breaks. “Have it your way. I'll go to my parents. Or Steph has offered to help out too.” She starts to try to back the wheelchair out of Alicia's office with her good hand.

Alicia cringes at the mention of the blonde's ex. Or not so ex, it would seem. “If that's what you want.”

“What do you want from me, Allie? Sometimes I don't understand you at all.” Cara stares at her friend's back, willing her to at least look at her, tell her the truth.

“She seems nice. Stephanie. I can see how happy she makes you. You're good together.” Alicia's throat almost closes over the words.

“What?” Cara can't believe her ears. It's as if none of the past few days had even happened between them at all. She shakes her head at her own blindness. “Did you mean any of what you said? Or were you just waiting for a way out? Lucky Steph came back when she did, saves you from having to be a grown up in a proper relationship, huh? It must be such a relief for you that she's taken me off your hands.” Cara spits out the words, tears streaking her face.

“Cara, that’s not true.” Alicia turns around, almost ready to cave then, as she sees how stricken Cara is.

“Steph says she wants to marry me. She wants us to grow old together. She loves me. Can you give me a reason to say no?” Cara gives Alicia the chance to fight for her. She doesn't want Stephanie. Not really. “Come on, Allie!” Cara clenches her unhurt fist in frustration as Alicia stays silent. “For once in your bloody life, just... Do you even want me or am I just kidding myself?”

Alicia opens her mouth to tell her that of course she does. She's never wanted anyone more. Then she thinks of how Stephanie can give her everything right away. Alicia can't honestly say that she'll ever be ready to do that, in spite of her best intentions. “I wish you both a lifetime of happiness. I hope Stephanie knows how lucky she is.” She turns back to the window, biting her lip hard to stop herself taking it straight back.

“I see.” Cara answers, devastated. “I'll just...I have to go.” She starts to wrap on the door to signal for Bernie to come back in.

Alicia closes her eyes as she hears the pain in Cara's voice. She couldn't do this. She didn't care how much Cara's Mum would hate her. She loves Cara. “Cara, don't...” She spins to find that she's not there anymore. “...go.” She finishes quietly as she staggers back to her chair and sits heavily as the full weight of what she's done, what she's undoubtedly lost, makes her feel sick.

She tries to go back to work for a while but a voice inside her head keeps nagging her to go after the blonde. “I love her.” That was the only thing that mattered. She would catch up to Cara and tell her that she'd made a stupid mistake, beg her to give her another chance. She races out of the office towards AAU. Gasping for breath from the exertion, she flies into Cara's side room.

“Cara, I...” She cuts herself off as she takes in what was obviously happening. Stephanie down on one knee in front of Cara. Mrs Wilson grinning like the Cheshire Cat in the corner. Her eyes are wide and frantic as she processes it all. She was too late...

“Stephanie has just proposed.” Cara explains the obvious without looking at her. “I said yes.”

Alicia feels all the oxygen leave the room at those three words, as her heart pounds and she struggles to breathe.

“Obviously we'll have to wait for your cast to come off before you can wear the ring, babe.” Stephanie quips as she bends to kiss Cara softly.

Alicia turns her head away from the show of affection.

“Ooooh I'm so happy for you both my darlings!” Mrs Wilson wraps the pair in a tight hug, as a strangled noise escapes Alicia before she can push it down. “Aren't you pleased for them, Alicia?” Mrs Wilson seems to be daring her to spoil the moment.

“Congratulations.” Alicia whispers as she forces herself to meet Cara's eyes and they can both see the anguish on the other's face and they both know this isn't what they want. But Cara was engaged now. Alicia couldn't come between them. “I'll let you all celebrate.” Cara sees the tears in her eyes and she wishes that Steph and her Mum weren't here.

“Did you want something?” She asks Alicia.

“Um...I just...It wasn't important.” Alicia dashes out of the room and straight to the nearest bathroom, where she locks herself into a cubicle and slides down the length of the wall to her knees as she tries to keep her emotions in check. It doesn't work in the slightest as she loudly sobs her heart out for losing Cara, before she'd even had her.

“Hello?” A voice calls out, knocking gently on the cubicle door. Bernie had seen Alicia rush into the stalls and had heard her crying. “Alicia, are you ok?” She asks softly.

“She's back with her ex. They've just gotten engaged.” Alicia sniffs and struggles to speak through the shuddering sobs.

“But I thought you two were together. Serena said that you had sorted everything out.” Bernie hazards.

“We were. We had. And then I fucked it up, as usual.” Alicia replies harshly. “Her Mum doesn't approve of me. Can't really blame her. She said Cara would be better off with Stephanie. I thought she was right. Maybe she is. There's just one problem with that.”

“What's that?” Bernie prompts.

“I don't want her to be with Stephanie. I want her. I love her.” Alicia confesses. “But how can I tell her that now, when she's only just gotten engaged to someone else?”

“I think you just did.” Bernie admits a tad smugly.

“What?” Alicia stands to open the cubicle door and she finds herself faced with Bernie and Cara. She glances between the two women. “Cara, how...?”

“My fault. I brought her in with me. Did I not mention that?” Bernie quips as she winks at the pair and heads off back to the ward.

“Did my Mum put you up to this? She said something the other day, didn't she? She told me she never caught up to you.” Cara shakes her head at her mother's gall.

“She just wants what's best for you.” Alicia confirms.

“Don't defend what she did, please. She almost split us up.” Cara was fuming.

“Almost?” Alicia echoes, a tinge of hopefulness in her tone.

“I have to talk to Steph, but I love you. You have to promise me you'll stop trying to decide what's best for me though. I know what I want.” Cara stands firm.

“I promise.” Alicia looks sheepish. “So, what do you want?” She smiles as she steps closer to the blonde, knowing all too well that she's fishing.

“You! You big idiot. And don't act like you don't know it.” Cara swats at her with her good hand.

“I do love hearing it though.” Alicia beams as she leans down to run her thumb over Cara's cheek and brushes their lips together.

“Um...” Cara pulls back a little. Alicia looks stung. “It's just that...I don't feel right doing this when I'm about to dump Stephanie for you. And we are in the toilets.” She screws up her nose and Alicia can't help but giggle.

“Do you want me to come with you?” She turns serious as she searches Cara's eyes.

“I think I should do it on my own.” Cara replies.

“Ok. Let me know when you want to leave tomorrow and we'll get you back to mine.” Alicia pecks her cheek quickly as Cara nods and pushes her back out to find a porter to take her back to her room.

“Well?” Serena raises an eyebrow in question as Bernie enters their office.

“I think they'll be fine. I'm almost ready to leave. Are you heading home to change before dinner?” She asks the brunette.

 “I'm not really dressed for a date.” Serena casts her eye over her outfit.

“I think you look beautiful.” Bernie smiles as she pulls Serena in for a brief kiss.

Serena grins out of the kiss as she looks lovingly at the blonde. “Well, the table's booked for 7pm. If we head off now, we could go back to mine, or yours, for drinks afterwards.” Serena knows that they both know drinks are the last thing on either of their minds.

“Drinks, eh? Is that what we're calling it now?” Bernie smirks.

“What are you implying, Ms Wolfe? I might not be that kind of girl.” Serena teases, knowing full well that for Bernie she could most definitely be exactly that kind of girl.

“You don't want to have ‘drinks’ with me?” Bernie pouts and then nips Serena's earlobe between her teeth.

“Yes.” Serena sighs softly as the sensation makes the room spin.

“Glad to hear it.” Bernie smiles into Serena's neck as she places barely there kisses along its length. “Maybe we could skip dinner and just go back to mine now?” She is only half serious, but it is a very tempting prospect.

Serena could easily be persuaded to do just that as she grabs Bernie's face in her hands and kisses her soundly. “We should talk too.” She reminds the blonde.

“Anything you want.” Bernie replies dreamily, lips tingling gloriously from their kiss.

“I'll hold you to that.” Serena stares deep into the blonde’s eyes. She was hopelessly in love with her best friend.

“Just give me a sec to change out of these.” Bernie indicates her scrubs and kisses the brunette again before heading to the locker room.

Serena waits for her return with a huge grin plastered on her face. Her stomach flutters with a flurry of butterflies and she can feel her heart drumming against her ribs. Admittedly she was nervous, but definitely excitedly so.

“Ready?” Bernie bounces back into the office and grabs her coat and bag, waiting for Serena to do the same.

“Let's go.” Serena smiles in confirmation that she's good to go. She links elbows with the blonde and pecks her temple softly, before they walk arm in arm down to the carpark.

“How dare you!” Mrs Wilson storms into Alicia's office just as she is heading home.

“Mrs Wilson. To what do I owe the pleasure?” Alicia smiles, nice as pie.

“Don't act like you don't know.” She narrows her eyes at the other woman. “Cara just broke up with Stephanie. I know it was because of you.”

“Cara is an adult, Mrs Wilson. I don't tell her what to do. It appears that's your role.” Alicia's voice drips with scorn.

“Don't speak to me like that! I want what's best for my daughter. You know as well as I do that you aren't it.”

“Says who, Mrs Wilson? You? Yes, I'm well aware of my dating history and I'm not proud of the mistakes I've made. I love Cara with all my heart -”

“You have to have one first.” Cara's Mum is seething.

“I know you don't approve of me. Honestly, I'm ashamed of my own behaviour too. I don't expect you to suddenly become my number one fan. You don't even have to like me at all. But I'm in love with your daughter and I want to be with her. She feels the same way and I promise you that I will do everything I can to make her as happy as possible. I want to marry her one day and it would mean the world to Cara if you could accept us.” Alicia looks beseechingly at her possible future mother-in-law.

“Over my dead body.” Mrs Wilson responds and flounces back out of the room.

“That went well...” Alicia quips sarcastically to the empty office. She finishes getting ready to go and decides to visit Cara before she leaves.

“Hey you.” Cara beams when Alicia enters her side room.

“Hi beautiful.” Alicia replies and steps further into the room.

“My Mum is so mad.” Cara shrugs like ‘what can you do?’

“Yeah. I know.” Alicia admits with a quick quirk of her eyebrow.

“Oh God. She said something again... I'm so sorry. She's like a dog with a bone when she gets an idea in her head. I'll talk to her again.” Cara promises. “I'm 42 for goodness sake. I'm perfectly capable of making my own choices.”

“You're not sorry that you picked me?” Cara had never known Alicia to look so unsure of herself.

“No.” Cara is certain. “Are you having -” She was about to say _second thoughts_.

“No! Absolutely not.” Alicia reads her mind. She cups Cara's face in her hands and feels terrible when the blonde can't meet her eye. “Hey Cara. Look at me.” Cara shakes her head. “Look at me. Please.” Her tone softens as she waits for Cara's eyes to move up to look into hers. “This is what I want. You are what I want. I love you. I love you so much.” A few stray tears drop from her eyes onto Cara's face. “Please don't doubt that. Ever.”

“Alright. It's ok.” Cara smiles up at her and wipes away the tears, pulling Alicia down for a soft kiss. “I love you too.”

“Do you know what time you're getting out of here tomorrow?” Alicia asks, brightening at the thought of Cara coming home with her.

“Not sure yet.” Cara shrugs.

“How about you phone me or text when you find out and I'll take you back to mine? We can stop at your place to pick up whatever you need. I can work from home for a few weeks until you fill stronger and the casts come off.” Alicia explains.

“Sounds like a plan.” Cara responds, smiling warmly at the woman by her bedside.

“You should get some rest, my love.” Cara beams at the term of affection. It was like music to her ears. She never could have imagined how wonderful it would sound coming from this woman and directed at her.

“I'll see you tomorrow.” Cara confirms. “I love you.” She still couldn't believe she could say that now.

“I love you. Can't wait for you to come home with me.” Alicia kisses her goodbye and heads back to her apartment with a glowing smile on her face.


	9. Chapter 9

“I don't want you to go to London.” Serena figures that she may as well show her hand early and hope that Bernie felt the same. “I mean, I want you to stay here. With me.” She glances nervously over at the blonde, waiting for her response.

  
If she was honest with herself, Bernie had all but forgotten London. Now that she had to decide what she was going to do, she had no idea what to choose. “Serena...” She meets the brunette’s eyes for a moment, before feeling compelled to look away. “...I've given my word now. I start at the end of the month. My resignation from Holby has been accepted. I have to go to London in three weeks.”

  
Serena is desolate. “Please Bernie. I can't lose you. Alicia and Henrik will let you retract your resignation. No one has come forward to apply for the replacement role. You could stay.” The silent _if you want to_ hangs heavily between them. She starts to worry that Bernie doesn't want her after all.

  
“This is only our first date. Who's to say whatever this is...” Bernie gestures between them. “...would last.” She hates the words before she even says them, but it was possible that they might not even be together in three week’s time. Then she'd be left with having to work with Serena, seeing her everyday and not being with her. It didn't bear thinking about.

  
“You think this is just a flash in the pan for me? You think I would be so feckless and fickle to not know the difference between a stupid crush and being in love with you?” Serena is obviously hurt and angry at the insinuation. “Unless...” She stops herself, not sure her heart could handle the alternative.

  
“Unless what?” Bernie prompts.

  
“You don't want me. You didn't mean it when you said that you loved me.” Serena fidgets with the napkin in her lap.

  
“No. Serena. I did. I do mean it. I just...” Bernie flounders.

  
“What?” Serena snaps, unable to hold her temper.

  
“You never said it back. In fact, you've never even acknowledged that I said it at all before now. I just thought you wanted to forget it. That you didn't think of me like that. I thought I was just some way for you to, I don't know, gain experience for Alicia or something.” Bernie flushes as she remembers the rollercoaster of emotions she'd felt that night. How it had made her heart soar to touch Serena, be touched by Serena. Then to be crushed by the realisation that she was some sort of practice for someone else. She couldn't completely shake off the feeling of being used by the one person she cared about more than anything.

  
“I never wanted to make you feel like you were a stand in for her. It wasn't like that. I just didn't know how to tell you that I had feelings for you. I didn't really see it coming. I do love you. I love you too much to let you go.” Serena knows that she's crying but she can't help it. “I'm so sorry I made you feel like that.” She whispers out the words, her voice not strong enough to let her say it any louder.

  
“Neither of us truly knows if this might work between us. I’m not sure it's wise for either of us to put our lives on hold for a ‘maybe'.” Bernie replies sadly.

  
“Then what are we even doing here?” Serena asks, completely broken. “You agreed to this date. You kissed me too. We made love together. It wasn't just me. I know you feel it too. You can't just kiss me like you did earlier or the other day and then say it doesn't mean enough for you to stay. It meant something to me!”

  
Bernie has suddenly lost her appetite. “I think I should just go.” She fishes enough cash out of her wallet to pay for dinner and leaves it on the table top, standing to leave.

  
“So this is what you’re going to do? Just run away! That's it?!” Serena chases after her, oblivious to the other diners staring at them.

  
“Serena, stop!” Bernie turns to her once they get outside. “Please.”

  
“What are you so afraid of? That I won't love you back? Or that I already do?” The brunette steps in to challenge her. “Tell me you don't love me.”

  
“What?” Bernie looks at her friend as if she's not even speaking in English anymore.

  
“You heard me.” Serena stands defiant. “If you can say it and mean it, that's fine. I'll walk away. You can go to London, or Timbuktu for all I care. But I want to hear you say it.” She crosses her arms and waits.

  
Bernie searches the brunette’s face for any hint of backing down. Seeing none, she does the only thing she can. Rushing at Serena, she pushes her back up against the nearest surface, a wall apparently, and kisses the very air from her lungs. Fingers lost in short, brown locks, she tugs gently on the hair at the back of her neck and slips her tongue into Serena's mouth. The brunette’s moan of pleasure only serves to spur her on, as she echoes the moan when Serena's tongue pushes against her own. She parts their mouths slowly, both women groaning at the loss. “Of course I love you. How could I not fall for you, Serena Campbell?” Bernie asks the question against the brunette lips, not sure how anyone would be able to resist this woman. “You are incredible.” She tickles the words against Serena's bright smile and kisses her again.

  
“Stay.” Serena requests breathlessly as they come up for air. She smiles softly as she can already see Bernie's answer in her eyes.

  
“Yes.” The blonde mirrors the smile.

  
“Now.” Serena flattens down the blonde's collar, that she had tugged out of shape during their kissing. “Since we skipped dessert in there...” Serena tilts her head towards the restaurant. “...why don't we go home and whip up some of our own.” Serena pulls on Bernie's hand as she laces their fingers and heads to the blonde's car, with a shy but certain glance over her shoulder at Bernie, who was trailing slightly behind her.

  
They somehow manage to keep their hands to themselves on the drive over to Bernie's apartment. Serena had texted Jason to say that she would be back in the morning, knowing that he might worry if she wasn't there when Alan brought him home.

  
Bernie stops the engine in her normal parking spot and looks over at Serena with a sigh. She was more nervous this time for some reason. Maybe because last time they'd been too caught up in the doing to be able to think it through. Maybe because this time it would hopefully end differently, mean more somehow. Serena would still be in her bed tomorrow morning. That thought was wonderful and a little terrifying.

  
“Are you sure you want to...to...” Bernie stutters over her words and huffs out a frustrated sigh at herself. “Christ, I'm so nervous.” She chuckles lightly at her confession.

  
Serena places a supportive hand on the blonde's wrist and squeezes gently. “Me too.” She admits. “It feels different this time, right?”

  
Bernie nods, relieved that Serena was going through it too.

  
“We don't have to. But I do want this. You, I mean. I love you.” Serena smiles warmly at the other woman.

  
“We should go in.” Bernie suggests but makes no attempt to move. She felt rooted to the spot with anxiety.

  
“What is it?” Serena sees the blonde fidgeting anxiously and wants to soothe her worries.

  
“What if you don't really want this?” Bernie can't look at her. “Me.” She adds sadly, not sure she can cope with being rejected by the woman she's fallen impossibly in love with. But she wouldn't survive it if Serena changed her mind after the fact. Better to know now.

  
“Bernie, look at me.” Serena coaxes her to meet her eye. “I can't remember ever feeling like this before. About anyone. You are my best friend, but I want more. I want all of you. For as long as you'll have me.” Serena strokes her fingertips over the contours of the blonde’s face, tracing the features she can now freely admit to herself that she had admired for longer than she realised. How had she looked at her almost every day for all this time and not seen it before? “You are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.” Her eyes are misty as she takes in the wonder that is Berenice Wolfe.

  
Bernie covers her hand with her own, shaking her head slightly. “I'm nothing special.” She says embarrassed by the brunette’s scrutiny.

  
“Oh but you are. You, Bernie Wolfe, are spectacular.” Serena's voice holds undeniable sincerity and Bernie stares at her in wonder. How could this goddess think she was worth anything at all? She holds her breath as Serena leans in to whisper in her ear, surprised that they can't hear the thudding of her heart echoing inside the car. “Let me show you.” Serena offers and Bernie isn't sure how she could be expected to refuse.

  
Nodding her head frantically in acceptance, mouth drier than a desert at the anticipation, Bernie fumbles for the handle to exit the car and almost trips over her own feet to get them to the door of her apartment.

  
Once the door slams behind them, the blonde finds her courage as she turns to the other woman, eyes blazing with pure want. Serena lets out a small whimper of equal need as Bernie's mouth suddenly covers her own. Never had one person's kisses been capable of reducing her to such a quivering mess before.

  
“This time I want my mouth on you when you cum.” Bernie shocks them both with the words. She was not normally so brazen but she just wanted Serena and could feel herself being consumed with desire for the woman in front of her.

  
“God yes. Please. Fuck.” Serena feels the blonde's admission cause a deep throbbing between her thighs. The thought of Bernie's mouth. Down. There. She might go mad if they didn't lose their clothes soon.

  
“I want to undress you this time too.” Bernie kisses along the side of the brunette’s neck as she slides her coat off her shoulders and starts to unbutton her blouse with sure, steady hands.

  
“Whatever you want.” Serena's voice is low, husky and filled with desire.

  
“I just want you. Only you, Serena. You're all that I need.” Bernie's words are weighted with a deep sincerity that makes the brunette melt into her.

  
“How could I not see this? You. All these months you were right there, in front of me. How could I not know how much I love you?" Serena's gaze flits all over the other woman's face, taking in how beautiful she was.

  
“I didn't see it either. Not until you asked me to help you with Alicia...” Bernie ducks her head, hiding her face in the curve of Serena's shoulder.

  
“You're the one I want.” Serena admits firmly, carding her fingers through blonde curls. “I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner.”

  
“We're here now.” The blonde brushes her lips up the length of Serena's neck. “That's all that matters. I could have said something too. Let's not worry about it anymore.” She slides her hands underneath the brunette’s collar and let's the blouse fall away from Serena's body.

  
“Promise me that we are really doing this. I want to be with you. Promise me you'll stay.” Serena sucks in a deep breath as Bernie's fingertips trace under the straps of her bra and then her hands move down to cup her over the fabric.

  
“I'm not going anywhere. I'm in love with you, Serena. I couldn't leave you now.” Bernie brings her mouth down to meet her fingers in teasing the brunette’s nipples to hardness.

  
“Bernie...” Serena breathes out the name as she scissors her fingers into the blonde’s hair, holding her in place and losing herself in the sensations coursing through her. “Take it off. I want to feel you on my skin.” She suddenly needs more.

  
Bernie straightens to look into her eyes and the brunette sighs at the loss. “I want you in my bed.” She scoops up the other woman, grinning at Serena's surprised squeal of glee.

  
“Wait...” Serena causes her to stop abruptly on the way with that one word and she panics that the brunette's changed her mind as she starts to put her back down.

  
“I'm sorry, I got carried away. If this isn't what you want, we can -" Bernie fumbles out the stuttered apology, trying to backtrack furiously.

  
“No. It's not that.” Serena clings on more tightly and trails her fingertips down the side of the blonde's cheek, smiling as Bernie leans into her touch. “I just want you to know, before we do this, and we _will_ be doing this...” She leans her face closer to the other woman and kisses her tenderly. “...that I'm in love with you too. This is what I want, Bernie. After tonight... I don't want this to be it.”

  
“It won't be. It isn't. I don't think I could make love to you again and then let you go.” Bernie confesses.

  
“Good. I'm glad we're on the same page.” Serena beams as she tilts her head towards the bedroom, a silent signal for the blonde to continue.

  
Bernie is so strong but incredibly gentle as she lays the brunette down on the sheets and removes the rest of her clothes and places warm, soft kisses all over the exposed flesh at her disposal. Serena studies her with hungry eyes as the blonde stands to take off her own clothes and then drapes her body on top of hers, both revelling in all the points of contact and the warmth of skin meeting skin.

  
Their previous time had been hurried, frantic, Bernie had rushed in her eagerness and fear that Serena might reject her at any moment. Now she intends to take her time, remember every inch of Serena and how she feels to touch with her fingers, her mouth. When she tastes her for the first time, Bernie's entire world narrows to nothing but the woman against her tongue. She is indescribable, the blonde has never known it to be like this. She feels as if she wants to, for the first time that she could, do this forever. This is her purpose: loving Serena. When the brunette comes undone by her efforts, _because of her_ , Bernie feels invincible. She feels tears of pride and sheer elation blur her vision and she looks up at Serena in awe of this gift that has somehow been granted to only her.

  
“Wow...” Serena chuckles as she finds her breath again.

  
“Was it alright?” Bernie settles half on top of her, the look in her eyes is of anxious hope and Serena has to kiss her, to reassure her.

  
The brunette returns the favour and leaves Bernie gasping and writhing, a fistful of bed sheet in each hand as she cums over and over. She wraps Serena in her arms once they've had their fill of each other and feels her still, clearly with something weighing on her mind. Bernie waits patiently for her to speak, running her fingers over the expanse of Serena’s bare back to comfort and prompt her.

  
“You don't regret this, do you? I want you to stay. Please don't go to London. I couldn't bear to lose you now.” Bernie's heart breaks to hear the crack in the brunette’s voice and see tears in her eyes.

  
“I'm staying here. With you, my love.” Bernie tilts her chin up and meets her gaze to show she means it.

  
Serena huffs out a relieved sigh and nuzzles in closer to the blonde. “I love you.” She whispers as she rests her hand over Bernie's heart.

  
“And I love you.” Bernie kisses her forehead and squeezes her to her.

  
“Bernie?” Serena tickles the blonde's chest with her hair as she moves to look her in the eye.

  
“Hm?” Bernie smiles shyly at the brunette.

  
“Promise me I don't have to go running with you ever again.” Serena grins and kisses the tip of Bernie's nose as the blonde lets out a honking laugh.

  
“Deal.” Bernie returns the kiss. “Besides, I can think of a much more enjoyable way for us to get our exercise.” She quirks an eyebrow suggestively as she pins Serena to the bed to make love to her all over again.


End file.
